Wicked Game
by Kaiyen
Summary: Bam's best friend Kaiyen meets the Finnish prince of her dreams. How will this relationship work?


As much as I would like to be able to claim, love is more than a four-letter word. It is more than sappy movies, cards, flowers and candy. My brand of love came to me fast and hard, and caught me up in a whirlwind. Love at first sight is a true thing, and I can attest that I fell head over heels in a matter of days. It can permeate the cracks in even the hardest of hearts, change us in magnificent ways. This is but a fraction of the four letter word that changed my life.

I was standing outside of my loft, smoking a cigarette and staring off into space at the people passing by. I'd been expecting a phone call from my friend Bam for some time now, but considering the track record, it was no big surprise that "the call" was only... two hours late. Typical. Bam was always forgetting me, a result of refusing to ride his coat tails and live at the damned place. I finished smoking my clove and had just ground it out when the phone finally vibrated against my hip. I rolled my eyes and dug it out."Hello?""Kai, it's time for you to get your ass over here. There's a surprise." Bam's smart-assed voice burst from the receiver. And knowing Bam's "surprises" from the past, forgive me for not being enthused.

"All right, I'll be there as soon as I can."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Half an hour later, I sat in my car, staring at the deceptively calm and mellow home, painted in adobe reds and blues. Little did the world know of the chaos that was housed inside. I spent an extra five minutes trying to talk myself into getting out of the car and up the drive, as usual. Nobody was in sight when I entered, but loud crashing noises led me to the bar downstairs. Chaos ensured as normal, Dico and Ryan doing beer bombs, and Bam standing on the island with a megaphone. I leaned against the doorframe and flicked the lights off in order to get their attention."What the fuck?" A loud thud confirmed that I'd achieved the desired effect- Bam had fallen off the counter top. "Goddamnit!""Hello to you too hon." I switched the lights back on to view my small victory. "Kai, it's about damn time you showed up."Bam and I had known each other since we were little. As much as I complain, we've been friends forever. Although that friendship can get exhausting, so I sighed. "What is so important that it couldn't wait until Monday?" I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer, flicking off the lid with pressure from my waved a hand at me and joined me at the landing. "There's somebody that I want you to meet first. Go up." I did a mental eye roll, and followed the loon up the two flights of stairs to where the bedrooms were. When he pushed one of the doors open and the sounds of a shower could be heard, I should have known that he was up to something. I whirled around. "Bam, why in the hell are we in somebody's room?""What?" He said, trying to act innocent."I'll repeat myself. Why in the hell are we in an occupied bedroom?"A deep voice from behind me stole the air from my lungs momentarily. "I'd like to know the answer to that one myself, Bammie boy."Yep, the shower had been off for some time now. My heart started pounding. I slowly turned to be met by the sight of a naked chest, wet, belonging to someone much taller than I, due to the fact I only reached pec height. Smoking a cigarette. In a towel. Bammie stepped in. "Kaieyn, this is your new friend, Ville. Now, make friends."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten minutes later, I stood outside on the deck, smoking my third or fourth clove, counting to ten over and over again in my mind. I was telling myself that I was doing all of this in reaction to what Bam had done, but in reality, it was due to my overactive imagination that kept springing images of my newfound acquaintance partially nude and dripping wet to mind. I'd seen Ville before, but I'd never met him in person. To keep myself from either wringing Bammie's neck or pouncing on the naked man that for some reason excited me in a way no other man had before, I'd excused myself from the room quickly, subconsciously patting the pocket of my coat for my cigarettes. I was reaching into the case again when I knocked my lighter off the railing. The sliding glass door chose that moment to open itself amidst my innovative swear fest and I was shocked to see that somebody was brave (or stupid) enough to join me at that point in time. "Light?"Ville raised an eyebrow in humor, extending a lit Zippo towards me. There was a moment of mutual silence as cigarettes were lit, and first drags inhaled. He put his between his lips, balancing it while reaching his hand towards me. "It's a pleasure to officially get to meet you, Kaieyn. Even though it was a bit bizarre."I shook his offering, managing a smile. I'd seen him hanging around Bam's before, and of course at his concerts that I got dragged to by my friends.

"So, what can I do you for?""A million dollars!" Bam yelled down from an open window above us."Shut the hell up Bam!"Ah, family...

Through this little exchange, Ville was trying his damnedest not to laugh. Bam has always treated me like his little sister, and it really was damned annoying. "Has he always treated you like this, or something new?"

I shrugged. "Oh, you know Bam, I'm sure. If he can bully you around into doing something, he can and will." I twisted a longer lock of hair around my finger, suddenly rather shy. I jumped almost two feet in the air a moment later, when a shrill voice emanated from an open window in the basement.

"You wenches, get your asses down to the bar, now!" I executed another eye roll, and followed Ville down to where the master of ceremonies had instilled himself."Right! Kaieyn, since you're going to have so much to do between Ville and myself, I'm officially revoking your ability to return to your loft anytime soon." With that, he held up a set of keys... that suspiciously looked like my own. Thank god I hid my spare set of car keys… I leapt across the counter, and scratched at him furiously, fighting my damnedest to get my keys back into possession. "Bam, so help me god if you don't give me back my keys...now."He merely stuck out his tongue, pushed me hard, and ran outside in the dark to the lake, and pitched them far off into the distance. Needless to say, for the time being, I was screwed. I trudged back into the house, more peeved than actually angry. There was a bedroom here that I kept for such emergencies, well, as long as nothing had happened to it in the past three months that I'd stayed here. I cracked the door, and nothing popped out at me, so I assumed it was safe to enter. I threw my body across the bed, silently ruing my parents for the day I ever met Bam. A scratch at the door several minutes later scared the shit out of me. "Um... Kaieyn, can I come in?" Ville's voice, muffled by the door, surprised me. I rolled over, and sighed."Yeah, sure I guess."He joined me on the bed, sitting next to me without touching. "I'm sorry about this whole fiasco."I giggled a bit in spite of myself. "Don't be. I'm used to it." We lay there, staring at the stars Chris and I had put on the ceiling years before for about an hour, just talking and getting acquainted. After a little while, an idea popped into my head."Hey, you want to go to a bar and get out of here for a bit?"Brilliant green-blue eyes stared up at me for a moment quizzically."You'd risk the wrath of Bam for kidnapping his resident sex god?"I mused it over for about thirty seconds. "That's not disturbing or anything. Well, when you put it that way, then yes, I will." he grinned. "Let me go get my coat."

Half an hour later, I pulled my Mustang in front of a decent bar. I'd heard of Ville's drinking reputation, and was prepared to challenge it. I shifted into park, and winked at him."You ready for this?"He laughed, and gathered my arm in his. We spent the next three hours drinking against each other, he beer, me, Mike's Hard Lemonade. He was regaling me with tales from when his band HIM was on tour. Now, I am the type that gets giggly when intoxicated, which was one of the reasons why Bam and the rest of the guys liked to party with me frequently. Apparently that vibe was working on Ville, too, because pretty soon, everything was freaking hilarious. Things sobered up for a moment though when he reached across the bar top and brushed a stray lock of hair out of my face. "You're beautiful". I blushed, shy suddenly. "Thanks Ville."He brushed his fingers along my jaw line before retreating to his stool. He lifted his hand to order another round, but I stopped him, shaking my head."If we plan on getting back to the prison without getting killed or arrested, we need to stop."He looked at me with a smirk on his face."What? I'd be surprised if I can get us home at this rate." He took my hands in his own."All right. But only if we strike a deal. We hit a liquor store, purchase our poisons, and you spend the night drinking with me."I sighed, far more temped than I should have been."Fine, as long as you're paying for beer and cigarettes."He held my hand to his heart."I wouldn't dream of it any other way."

45 minutes later, we stumbled back into Bam's, each carrying a bag full of goodies. I was cackling madly with fits of laughter. Everything was just so damned funny! Ville took me by the hand and led me into his room. He had drinks cracked and in hand a moment later, coming back to the bed where'd he'd set me down a moment ago. He handed me my Mike's and flopped back, reclining behind me. "Ville, why hang with me, and not with the rest of the guys?"He thought for a moment. "I don't know. Kaieyn. Perhaps it is because you're not crawling all over me like many of the other girls I've dated have, just because I'm a rockstar." He affected a British accent as he said this.I paused, the bottle to my lips."But we aren't dating.""I know that."I shook my head, taking a pull. "Men."He laughed. "Kaieyn, not all of us are the same, believe it or not.""Kai, and I know that."He regarded me thoughtfully, lighting a cigarette. I finished my drink and moved to put it on the floor but Ville grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back so my head was resting against his stomach. I could feel the vibrations of his voice through his body when he spoke."I don't think you do love. Bammie told me about your last relationship."I curled up on my side, tears beginning to well just thinking about it. I'd been madly in love with Vico, but due to our constant fighting, I lost him, and with that, my best friend. My family told me we were too young to have such a serious relationship, but in my heart I truly still did love him. I tried everything to forget him, even going to school abroad in Finland my junior year of college. Repression had always been one of my finer skills. Ville noticed my reaction and lifted my chin to look into my eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." I shook my head. " No, it's fine. Just a wound that hasn't healed yet."I lay there, listening to the sound of his breathing, matching my own to his, something I'd done since I was a child.'Face it Kai, You're a sucker for a bleeding heart, and you're basically draped across the king of them.' I mentally chided myself. I adjusted so that I wasn't touching him, but instead, he moved so he was lying length-wise on the bed, pulling me next to him. "Cheat." I stuck my tongue out at him, intending merely to tease because I was getting really sleepy. Instead, Ville's tongue met my own, causing me to gasp, which allowed him further access to my mouth and lips. Oh. My. God. I was being kissed by the sex god. Part of my brain was protesting, but that was merely the logical side of it, that part that as of late, I rarely listened to. My body was in complete ecstasy, especially when Ville shifted so he was on top of me, not breaking our kiss the entire time. He took his time, lavishing attention on me, making love to my mouth. When he finally broke away, there was only one word that I could manage. "Wow."

He sighed. "I know. I don't normally do that, by the way. You're just… special. I don't know, but I want to get to know you, be with you."

I was stunned. Me, special? Hardly. I'm a smart-ass, sarcastic bitch. Not some nymph or muse, especially for a man this caliber. I didn't say anything back, but just rolled over onto my side, happier than I'd been in a long time. It was getting cold. Ville tugged the comforter out from underneath us, and gently covered our bodies. I was too tired and drunk to protest that I needed to return to my room. He adjusted so my head was lying on his chest again, and kissed my neck as a goodnight gesture. THE NEXT DAY: One minute, warm and cozy. The next: Freezing wet and I screamed.I don't like being awakened by a gallon of ice water. Apparently Ville was shocked too, because next thing I knew, I was on the floor, having a wet T-shirt contest with myself. I heard familiar snickering."BAM!" I hauled my ass off the carpet and punched him in the stomach as hard as I could in record time. Ville reached out and grabbed me by the waist, pulling me back so I couldn't perform another coup de gratis. I shook my head, swinging water from my bangs. "What in the hell possessed you to do that Bam?"I was so furious that I was grinding my teeth, positively seething. Ville tucked me behind him, but I didn't know who it was intended as a protection gesture more for, me or Bam. He pouted."You stole Ville last night." Bammie pouted. I pulled at my hair. "Bam, he is a grown man! I'm pretty sure that he's quite capable of deciding who he wants to go out with for the night."I'd grabbed a towel at this point and was attempting to dry off to some degree, doing my counting trick to cool off. Bam continued to rant and rave at me tirelessly, now following me around the tiny room, bringing up point after meaningless point. Suddenly I got lightheaded, the pressure in my ears skyrocketed, and my vision started to double and become really clouded. The room went dark, and I fell deep under what I assumed was water. Crap.

I woke up in my bed... I thought. The constant beeping noises and pulling sensation on my right arm alarmed me somewhat, along with informing me that I wasn't in Kansas anymore. 'Shit. Well, now they know, I guess.' True to that statement, the room door swung open and Bam walked in. I patted the end of the bed and he sat down."Anemia?"I smiled weakly. "Surprise.""But I didn't think that could make you pass out and stuff.""Normally no, but what I've got is easily compounded by a number of everyday things. Plus, I forget to take my meds all the time."I didn't tell him that drinking and smoking potentially posed problems too, because God only knows how those would go over. I quickly changed the subject. "So, how did I end up here?"He shrugged. "We were arguing, and suddenly you got really quiet and pale, and collapsed. You should have seen Ville. The instant you hit, he jumped over the bed and was carrying you down the stairs, calling for an ambulance."I blushed a bit when Bam told me that. It was kind of hard to imagine somebody doing that for me, especially for not knowing me all that long. "The doctors said you're supposed to be wearing a medical bracelet at all times. Where is it?""I threw it away." I clucked his tongue. "S'okay, Ville's out getting you a new one anyway.""Oh great. When in the hell can I get out of here?""Sometime later today, you ray of sunshine, you."The IV was irritating me. "Bam, make them give me drugs if they insist on jabbing me with this fucking thing!"He chuckled." Well, we know that Kai's back. Just chill. Ville's bringing you chocolate.""Dark chocolate?"He laughed again, and ruffled my hair. "Of course."Bam and I watched Jerry Springer until Ville came back. I'd moved over so he was in the bed with me. It reminded me of when we were little, and we'd had sleepovers during the summer, lying in my narrow bed watching Disney movies."Kai?""Humm... what Bammie?""Well... Do you like Ville?" I'd expected for him to ask me eventually, but it was still weird. "I think so. It's hard not to. Is that a bad thing? I know he's your friend and all." I bit my lip. "No, I just don't want to see either of you hurt. Don't move too fast again."I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "He's not Vico, either." Bam knew me better than I knew myself."I know. I'm still scared though. I don't want to have it all happen again.""He's a good guy."~~~~~Ville walked into the room, laughing softly when he saw Bam curled around Kaieyn. Bam smiled. "Dark Chocolate?""Ville nodded. They both laughed a bit."She's asleep?""Yeah, she was pissed she had a drug-free IV so she told them she was in a ton of pain from her fall, and they gave her the happy cocktail.""What did you do while I was gone?""Watched Springer." With that, Bam's cell rang. It was Ape, asking him to pick up a few things."Go ahead Bammie, I'll keep watch." "You sure?"Ville held up the medical bracelet."I have a feeling that I'll have my hands full."~~~~I opened my eyes to see Ville bent over my left wrist, methodically attempting to attach something around it. It took a minute for the fog to clear, but I finally realized what he'd tagged me with."Ville, I don't need this." I tried prying it off."Yes you do love, especially around the Castle. Besides, short of a locksmith, that's not going anywhere. It's a fixed clasp." I stared at him, wishing I could shoot lasers out of my eyes. His hair fell over his eyes as he ignored me and reached into a bag, tossing a skinny black box at me. I tore open the package and began consuming the chocolate in total bliss. I opened one eye and looked at Ville, extending the package. He wasn't looking at the candy though."You've some on your lips."He stared at them for a moment before tentatively leaning in and gently licking them first, then kissing me, careful about the wires connected to my body. When he pulled back, I giggled. "Wow. You can be my nurse any day." Ville just finally freed me the next day and I felt publicly humiliated when Ville had to push me out in a wheelchair. Everyone was in the bar when we finally got to Bam's. Ville sat me down on a barstool and poured me a glass of lemonade while Chris, Dico, and Ryan made fun of me. Ape shooed them off after a minute."Hey Bam, do you have any of the art designs that you guys wanted help with?" I was getting tired of sitting around doing nothing. He nodded, and ran up the steps to get the file. That left Ville and I alone. "I'm beginning to believe this is a conspiracy theory." Ville laughed, joining me at the island."What, that Bam's been leaving us alone in rooms a lot lately? Naah, he's such a scatterbrain, there'd be no way..." My voice faltered, as my mind clicked two and two together. "You think he PLANNED this entire thing?"Ville shrugged. "I'm assuming nothing. But considering the facts, its more than a remote possibility. He's been bothering me to come visit for months now, and suddenly, all these business matters have become paramount. He insisted he had just the person to deal with it all. Next thing you know, I'm meeting you while in a towel."I blushed at that memory. "About that..."He merely smiled. "I captured your attention though, didn't I?""Well yeah..."He clapped his hands. "No harm, no foul then. You worry too much.""Somebody has to. Trust me, Bam would have been dead a long time ago if I didn't panic so much when we were kids."

"No Bam, that's not how the design should look." I was knee-deep into a mess I shouldn't of allowed to be made in the first place, I had my glasses on, red pen in hand... and I was becoming more and more undone by the effect that Ville's eyes had on me every time they locked onto mine. I started humming "magic Carpet Ride" as I sorted through the stack of papers I'd been tossed. 'Bam had better be paying me overtime', I thought. I needed a cigarette, and a break from the guys."Hey Bam, why don't you have a boy's night out? I need time to figure all of this out, and wouldn't be much fun anyways." Of course that was all the encouragement he needed, because the next minute he'd dragged Ville off the chair, bellowed at the other guys, and was out the door and in the hummer."Jesus." I laughed and shoved all the papers back into the file, trudging back up the stairs into my room. I tossed the packet on my desk, booting the computer up. I walked into the bathroom to look at how much of a train wreck I'd become. Hum... same brown eyes and short blonde hair I'd had before coming here. I grimaced. I'd been meaning to dye my hair back for a while now, but somehow life kept getting in the way. My cell was buzzing furiously when I walked back out into the room, and I recognized the number to be Vico's mom's. Odd. I played the voicemail, and apparently her reason for calling me was to inform me about Vico's life- more importantly, his love life. His mother and I had been close friends, and she called often to just talk. Unfortunately, this call wasn't about anything pleasant. It was about his upcoming nuptials. Wow. He'd moved on quickly. Here it'd been six months of hell for me, and he'd been off chasing tail not a care in the world, or regard for me. I'd started crying at some point in the message, all the repressed memories started flooding my brain, attacking me like little bees as I sat at the computer, trying to keep busy and distract myself. Finally some part of me just snapped, and I threw a figurine across the room, feeling the familiar build up in my body, the beginnings of a severe panic attack. I began to pace around the room, grinding my teeth and doing the whole swearing/crying thing. "Shit!" I curled up into a ball on the bed, sobbing as memories both good and bad flew through my mind, killing me. I looked to the floor in the course of all of this, and noticed that a jewelry box had been knocked over, spilling its contents, which included a pack of razors. I reached over and picked them up. I spun the box in my hand a few times, before extracting a blade from the little spring loaded pack. I'd cut before, had the scars to prove it. This time was different though, somehow. I rolled my sleeve up, took the razor in my left hand and began dragging it downward, cutting deep into my skin. This was a pain I could deal with. Something tangible, that you could take charge of. I watched with morbid fascination as the blood began to well up and spill out, flowing down my arm and onto my sweatshirt directly underneath. I lay back after a time, the flow of blood making me extremely lightheaded. I smiled. It was all going to be all right. Until I heard footsteps on the stairs.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Fuck! I moved to sit up, but the move from prone position to sitting was really hard, and I got a giant head rush. My arm gushed blood at this new movement, and I almost passed out twice attempting to cross the room to turn out the lights to make it appear like I was asleep. I stumbled into the bathroom, grabbing a towel to wrap about my arm. I was basically hallucinating at this point, so when there was a knock at the door, I yelped a bit, shocked. "Sweetheart?" It was Ville. I tried calling out, but I couldn't speak."Kai, are you all right?" I could hear the concern in his voice. "We heard a crashing noise. Let me in." He was toying with the doorknob, which I'd thankfully locked. "Kaieyn, open the door!" I jumped a bit every time he pounded, but I couldn't get off the tile floor of the bathroom. Things then went quiet for a few minutes, and I relaxed, falling the door burst open, being kicked in from the other side. I looked up sluggishly, and saw Ville haloed from the light in the hall. It took him a minute to see me backed up against the wall of the tub, my arm still oozing in front of me. When he realized where I was, he closed the door to my room and rushed to my side, flicking the lights on. He unwound the towel and gently pulled on my wrist, extending my arm for him to see."Christ Kaieyn, what did you do?" He was worried. I could hear it in his voice. He picked me up in his arms and gently set me in the tub, getting in behind me, fully clothed. I rested my head back against his chest, and hot water began covering us. He started stripping off my clothing, tossing them out of the way until I was nude. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was starting to get angry at him because he was shaking me to keep me up. I moaned low in my throat. After he'd washed all the blood off, he wrapped me in a towel and carried me to the bed, where I promptly passed out, but not before I felt him slide in next to me, pulling my body to his own. His tears fell on my face. I remember that too.

I woke up freezing a short while later. Turning my head on the pillow, I was sort of scared for a minute until I saw Ville lying next to me, sound asleep. I waited for a minute before carefully getting out of bed and returning to the bathroom, having tossed on my silk robe. I flicked on the lights and opened the medicine cabinet, pulling out a roll of gauze and some medical tape. I was hell-bent on getting my arm wrapped, so I didn't notice that Ville had come into the room and wrapped his arms about my waist. I froze, still a bit foggy and wondering if he was mad at me. He surprised me by leading me over to sit on the toilet seat, and taking the roll from me, taking care of wrapping my self-inflicted wound. "We really should take you in to get it stitched up."I shrugged. "Doesn't really matter. Too many questions, and I always keloid over anyways, it's just a matter of time." "But you're anemic, on top of all this. I'm shocked you're conscious and alive now, frankly speaking love." I sighed. "I'm not suicidal. Granted, it's a romantic notion, but it's unrealistic. I just wanted to get away from it all for a bit." I got dizzy again, and had to grab onto his hand to steady myself. "Why did you do it?"I thought for a moment, debating whether or not to tell him the truth. "Vico's mom called me..." I spent the next five minutes recounting the evening's events. Ville said nothing, just held my hand tighter hen I began to cry Kai, I'm so sorry." I crawled onto his lap and he held me tight, stroking my back as I cried myself numb and tired. I needed this big strong man as my friend now more than ever before. He mumbled soft words to me in Finnish, his lips resting against my neck, making me shiver a little. My body was heaving like it does after you've cried for hours, but I was gradually calming down thanks to Ville's skilled touch. "Are you all right now?"I nodded, rubbing my eyes with my hand. "Can we take another bath Ville?" He smiled softly."Of course".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Never did that bath strike me as sexual. Yes, we were both nude, but this was different somehow. Ville undid the silk tie of my robe, gently casting it aside, then tugging off the pair of boxers he'd found to wear somewhere in my room. Once the water had been drawn, he stepped in, reaching a hand out to guide me so I didn't fall. Leaning back against him felt so right. It was like he was my security blanket, his arms wrapped about me, kissing the top of my head. I wriggled a bit, and he chuckled. "Better?""Much." I was really surprised when he took over bathing duty. He took the soap and lathered my body, his breathing quickening when he was over certain areas, but beyond that was a perfect gentleman. The smell of cotton permeated the hot air, coming from my body gel. I blew at some of the fluff, smiling as it landed on his thigh. We stayed in the tub until the water got cold, and then he fussed over me again, setting me on the counter to dry off and dress in my robe. I was sleepy again surprisingly, so when we hit the bed, I was out like a light- right after I had kissed him thank you.

"How do you plan on hiding that from Bam love?" Ville gestured to my forearm. I tossed on a long-sleeved tee that had Aerosmith wings on it. "I could go emo and pull off the armwarmers, but they bug me after an hour or so." He smiled."What an adventure you are." I joined him on the bed, lying on top of him, stomach to stomach. "Wait until you see me after I've had my caffeine fix."I kissed his nose, and he flipped me onto my back, kissing me soundly. He had his hand up my shirt when the door opened. "Yo Kai..." Bam began, but caught sight of us together. "I KNEW it! I knew it would happen! Fuck yeah!" He burst from the room, screaming, "Kai and Ville are a fucking couple!" All the way downstairs. Ville soundly ignored all this and kept kissing me... until it became apparent that the whole gang was in my small room. I started laughing when I opened my eyes, and sort of poked Ville in the stomach to get him to stop. He rolled off me, eyeing our unexpected guests with interest. "What is it that you gentlemen need?" At this point, I had a severe case of the giggles and had to bite down on the edge of the pillowcase. (Don't ask. It happens. A lot.) "We just wanted to know how you broke the ice queen man." came Chris' response, the others nodding sagely. "I'm not a fuckin' ice queen! You're all always too drunk to figure that out!" I stood on my knees on the bed, only then realizing that I didn't have pants on, only my shirt and a pair of underwear. Shit."We aren't having sex Bammie. Sorry to disappoint you." Ville smirked at the look on the guy's faces as I scrambled to find a pair of pants. In my hurry to put them on, I tripped, yelping as I hit the ground. "Are you alright love?"I grumbled. "Just peachy."

I was in my car running errands a half hour later. I had several other clients in addition to Ville and Bam and I got reamed a couple of times for not being diligent enough. Needless to say I wasn't in the best of moods when I picked up the requested cigarettes and coffee. I smoked on the way back to Bam's, getting deeper and deeper into my own thoughts. That is one thing that I've learned is a very bad thing to do. Flashes of violent arguments with Vico, being yelled at by clients, and things of the like kept playing in my head over and over like a broken record. I bit back the anxiety attack I had building, and ruthlessly slammed my car door shut when I hit my parking spot. Placing the Starbuck's caddy and Ville's cigarettes on the counter, I made my way upstairs again, popped a Xanax, and parked my ass in front of my computer, where I intended to straighten up my career dilemma. I had turned my Mp3 player on and was listening to "Bittersweet Symphony", becoming totally engrossed in my job. Everything was going swimmingly until a pair of hands covered my eyes, scaring the beejeezus out of me. I started to cry a little bit, completely a nervous wreck. The hands turned out to belong to Ville, who I was undoubtedly weirding out with my behavior the past week. I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to regain some sembelance of composure. "I'm sorry. I was just so busy, I didn't..."Standing from my chair, I walked to the bed, crawling onto it and laying my head on my pillow. "Stupid work, Stupid people." Yet again, I'd managed to begin talking to myself. Score one for the insanity team. I expected Ville to walk out and call the paddy wagon, but instead I felt a tickling warmth on my stomach and saw that he was resting his head on me and gently running his fingers up and down my side. "What are you doing Ville?" I squirmed a little because he was tickling me a little bit. "Trying to make you relax.""You're tickling me." He increased the pressure a little bit so that he was full-on tickling me, and soon had me shrieking with peals of laughter. "Stop... stop it... you cheat!" I was still giggling when he let off finally. "You're such a dork." He just shrugged his shoulders and reached across me to the nightstand where my cloves were. Lighting one up, he leaned back against the headboard. I peered over at him with interest. "Aren't you supposed to be writing songs?"He took a drag off the cigarette. "Probably." ******************************

I shook my head at him a little bit. "Again, I do believe I'm going to go for the stereotypical 'men' adage. And believe it or not, some of us have real jobs in the real world that we should be getting back to, lest I want to be fired from every client that I've had lined up." I made a move to get up from the bed, but he stayed me by grabbing my left wrist. "Two more minutes?" He made puppy eyes at me. Damn. I always fall for those"Fine. You have exactly two minutes. Then you either sit here like a good little boy and write your songs, or I kick you out for a few hours while I accomplish some good in the business world." I leaned against him, my arms folded and stiff, but the feeling of warmth coming from his body combined with the subtle scent of the cologne he was wearing threatened to extend my two minute allotment to two hours, maybe even two days. Next thing I knew, it'd been thirty minutes, and I had a conference call that I needed to be in on."Shit! Ville, I really need to take this call." I leapt from the bed, snatched my cell from my purse, and dialed the number from memory. I sat back down on the bed, looking him in the eyes and mouthing the words,"Behave yourself."********************As soon as I got off my conference call, I knew two things- one, I was fired, and two, that Ville was quickly becoming an addiction to me. Surprisingly enough, both were things that I could handle. "I'm sorry love." He was expressing sympathy over my current employment situation. I merely sighed. "It's all good. It's not that it was something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life any way. Besides, this means that I get to focus ten times more on my art." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Art?""Portrait art. I only draw people, an odd quirk that I've had since high school." I flopped back on the bed, and he began drawing lazy circles on my arm. "Do you have a portfolio love?" "Um Somewhere in my crap. Lemme up and I'll see." After digging through one of my suitcases, I finally found the dolphin folder that I kept my favorite portraits in. (Don't ask it just inherited the right to hold the all supreme pictures. I'm not an ocean-type.) I handed it to Ville, who sat up to look at the pictures."Who's this?" Ville asked, gesturing towards a drawing I did of my father."Oh, that's my dad. He's the most awesome person you'll ever meet. I hope you'll get the chance some time to meet him. My whole family lives out in Denver though"He smiled. "I'd like that. I'm sure that at some point we'll be able to visit."We spent the next few hours going over my drawings, and everything was fine, until he got to the pile of sketches that I'd done of him over the past two years. Shit. I'd forgotten those were in there. "Um Ville, why don't I just take those. They're no good anyways" He just pushed me off gently with a hand, and began laying them out over the bedspread. I bit my lower lip, dreading the reaction that I was sure to come. I don't take criticism all that well. "These are" I interrupted him. "I know, I know, they're crap. Just little things I did to keep busy." He fixed me with his startling green eyes."They're amazing. Kai, why didn't you go into the art field?" I suddenly became interested with a stray bit of hair that was in my face."Kaieyn?"I took a deep breath. "Because I had all this pressure to perform. My family always encouraged my art, but I never felt like I was good enough to go to school for it. I assumed by senior year that business was the way to go, and so naturally I just followed that." He took my chin in his hand and leaned in to kiss me, very lightly, on the lips."Now is your second chance. Take it love. Who knows where it will have you end up?"Oh, how prophetic his words were.

Birds chirping?What the hell? I slowly made my way to full alertness from my previous state of blissful unconsciousness and sleep, only to be met by the sight of Bam draped unceremoniously across my body and Ville'sIt took a minute for the fact to dawn on me that Ville and I had stayed up the night before, being artistic. It's really a bizarre thing, trying to be artistic with another person in the room when it's something that you're totally unfamiliar with. Ville had sat on the bed with his guitar, tooling around, while I drew his picture. Back to the matter at hand though"Bam, get your chunky ass off me." Of course he just settled himself even more. His face was mere inches from the sleeping Sex God's, and for a minute I sadistically contemplated what would happen if he somehow mistook Bam for being me, and tried to kiss him. The part of me that still had a soul intervened though, and I licked Bam's arm clear from the elbow to the wrist. He yelped."Off. Now." I was getting cranky. I needed my fix. Bam compromised, and slid off me and cuddled in bed next to Ville. I got out of the bed and stood over them, contemplating the scene with a smile on my face. "I think you like him more than I do Bam." He just draped an arm around Ville in response. "What the hell are you doing in here at this early of a god-forsaken hour anyway, dude?"He mumbled something at me, and I asked him to repeat it louder. "I wanted a drinking buddy. Everyone else's passed out drunk, and you've been hogging Ville."I rubbed at the mini migraine I was getting. "For crying out loud, I have not been hogging Ville! He's been hanging out with me. Which reminds me, because of the two of you I'm out a job." Bam just grinned. "Great! That means that you have ten times more time to hang out with us!" I rolled my eyes and looked over at Ville, who amazingly was still snoring soundly through this entire exchange. "Does he do that often?"Bam shrugged. "You're the one sleeping with him, you should know." My face went red and I stuttered. "We are not sleeping together! I mean, we are sleeping together, but we aren't SLEEPING together" He was laughing at this point. "I know I know. I just wanted to get a rise outta you." I rolled my eyes."You have ten minutes to get Finni-boy here awake and ready to go drinking," With that, he stormed out of the room. I shook my head and sat on my side of the bed. Coffee. The only thought that was being processed in my head. I leaned over to that I was peering down at Ville. I poked him in the side first. No response."Ville! Wake up!" Still nothing. I got up on the bed more and leaned over his body. "Mikk..."I was promptly cut off by lips claiming my own quickly. Ville pulled my body on top of his swiftly, using the element of surprise to move in for the kill. I was going to protest any moment now Ah hell, what he could do with his mouth. He opened his mouth to move and carefully bite my full lower lip, grasping it between his teeth gently, his tongue then taking full control. I gasped a bit in surprise, allowing him full access to me. Without breaking the kiss, he switched positions so that I was pinned beneath him, my skirt bunching up between my legs in the process. I was drowning in ecstasy, and when he pinned my hands somewhere above my head with one of his own, I felt what can only be described as deliciously vulnerable. I was making soft moaning sounds, which were apparently encouraging him. I felt the heavy outline of his erection pressing against the skin of my thigh when he lowered his weight down on me carefully, moving so it was pressing against the vee between my thighs. He began rubbing it against me, turning me on in levels I'd never experienced before. I bucked against him, struggling to get free so I could be in control and take what I needed. He of course ignored this and moved onto my neck, biting the side of it exactly as hard as I liked it, almost making me cry out for all to hear had I not of bit into my lip, moaning. His hands traveled lower, sneaking up my skirt and under my panties, searching for my clit. I moaned again when he found it, exerting the delicious pressure against the little thing, making me buck harder against his hand. He returned to kissing me, stifling my cries as he brought me closer and closer to climax. He relentlessly pursued it until I finally bit me hard and held on when I came, moaning his name loud, then softer, over and over again. He drew me against him, and I could feel his hand between us as he reached down and adjusted himself to be more comfortable. We both lay there, breathing heavy for several minutes. I groaned and rolled over so that I was facing him."I was supposed to get you up and down to the kitchen to drink with Bam. I had ten minutes." He kissed me again. "You did get me up. And hard, if I might add." I smiled. "I don't think he meant in that way." Ville sighed. "If only." *********************************When we finally stumbled into the bar, Bam was sitting drinking with Ryan. I dropped Ville off (makes him sound like a little kid), and made some excuse up about having to go get my hair dyed. Bam called out to me while I was leaving."Kai, nice tramp-stamp you got on the side of your neck. Been hanging with vampires again?"Fuck. And all I could do was smile. Because he did put it there.

I walked downstairs into the bar; my hair newly tinted the natural dark brown that the higher power intended for me to have. I expected to run into somebody from the crew, and sure enough, sitting at the bar by himself drinking, was Ryan. I dropped the box I was carrying in front of him."Ooh... Doughnuts. And they're the chocolate kind, too." He grabbed one from the box, and turned to stare at me quizzically. "You're trying to buy Bam off, aren't you?""Um... no, I'm not." Subconsciously, that little nagging voice that speaks to the deepest part of your soul was jumping about, screaming the word Yes over and over again...Ryan merely fixed me with a look. "What did you do this time, Kai?"I mumbled. "Let Ville give me a hickey." Ryan just shrugged. "What Ryan? I thought everybody was pissed off at me." He shook his head."Naah, were all just pissed that Bam keeps gloating about how his evil scheme actually followed through for once."I stormed up the stairs, leaving an inebriated man with a whole box load of chocolate doughnuts. Interesting the little subtleties of life...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I found Bam and Ville out by the pool, sitting in lounge chairs and talking about the new record that his band was working on. I stood by the latticework overhang until Bam, who was facing me, noticed and waved me over. "I like the hair. Dark has always been more your thing than blonde.""Um... thanks, I guess?" I sat down on the edge of his chair, eyeing Ville. He was wearing a shirt that wasn't buttoned all the way, and had his hair combed back from his face, which was intoxicating to look at itself... Crap. There I go zoning out again. I shook my head a little bit, and turned so I was facing Bam."So, you're not pissed at me?"He choked a bit on his beer that he was in the process of chugging. Sputtering, he looked at me. "No, what gave you that idea? Jeez, sometimes I wonder what you see in her Ville."Mr. Valo just smirked in my direction, and the message behind it was both erotic and frightening at the same time. Had I of been standing, I'm pretty sure that my knees would have been buckling. Thank god for sturdy lounge chairs Okay then... I bit the inside of my lip subconsciously, wondering what in the hell kind of mess Id gotten myself into this time. Bam and Ville picked up their conversation from where they'd left off when Id arrived, and things returned to the status quo that is the standard for the real world. I, on the other hand, sat there thinking, completely puzzled and confused. I knew the ways of men; I grew up with two little brothers and knew how their minds ticked. Then why in the hell was I getting tossed so many damned curveballs here in the past week? Id lost my job, was basically a plush captive, and had ended up with what I guess could be considered a so called friend with benefits. I leaned back and stretched out, wincing at the sounds that my muscles were making in protest of my continual disregard for my health. A hand reached out and clamped onto my wrist, roughly jerking me back up and making me wince. Partially due to the fact that it was the one that had been severely damaged a few days before. Bam had a look of incredulity on his face as he pulled back the sleeve of the tee I was wearing, revealing the bloody gauze underneath. "What the fuck is this, Kai. So help me god if you lie to me." His voice was filled with anger. He began unwinding the gauze wrapper, Ville coming behind to hold me still until Bam was finished. The raw, ugly red gash began to seep blood with his rough administrations, and I began to whimper quietly as the air stung it. "No."Bam stared at me incredulously. "No what, Kai?" I shook my head."I don't have to tell you what happened. Its my life." I said simply, hissing beneath my breath. I twisted my arm out of his grasp, which completely tore the thing open and started the bleeding thing again. Bam and Ville collectively gasped as blood began coursing its way down my arm quite torrentially. I elbowed Ville to have him let me out of his arms, and stood, facing them both."We've all got our demons. This just happens to be one of mine. I know you're concerned, but please, just let me live my life the way that I want to. I don't need more people parenting me than I already have. I'm a grown woman, for Christ's sake"Ville took a step towards me, but I held a hand up and took another step back, distancing myself from them. "I'm going home. I need to be alone." I turned and basically ran, hoping to God that I could outdistance the two of them. I reached my car fine, but as I was opening the door, a hand reached out from behind me and held it shut firmly, even as I was tugging hard at it. "Kaieyn."Ville's soft voice crept up my spine, almost weakening my resolve."I'm leaving, Ville. I cant be here right now. Please respect that." I was on the verge of crying, a mix of pain, humiliation, exhaustion and confusion pumping through my veins along with the adrenaline rush of a panic attack. He turned my body gently so that I was facing him, and lifted my chin with a finger. His pale emerald eyes were glazed over with a thin film of tears that threatened me again."Please... Be careful." he undid his shirt and wrapped my arm in it, regardless of the fact there was blood everywhere. When that was done, he leaned down and kissed me on the lips softly, gently brushing a lock of hair out of my eyes. We stood like that for a few moments, me breaking the connection first and turning to open my car door. He was swifter and held it open, then closing it behind me. I drove off quickly, tears flowing freely now that I was on my own.

POV CHANGE:Ville walked back to where Bam was standing dumbfounded. He shook his head when he reached his friend."Shes gone." A tear slid down his face, unnoticed. Bam saw, but didnt say anything because he could see the distress that his friend was in. He sighed."Why did she do it Ville?""She told me that she received a call about something to do with Vico. She did this the night we all went out and left her to work on the paperwork. I found her in the bathroom, bleeding out and barely conscious..." His voice choked up as he remembered how helpless hed felt finding her lying on a bathroom floor, her life bleeding out. "I thought she was going to die, Bammi." He was really crying now. Bam slung an arm about his shoulders and steered him towards the house. "Cmon, lets drink. That always makes things better."*******************************Kaieyns POV:It had been a week since Id fled the Castle. Id spent the time sequestered in my loft, having received a spare set of keys from the super. I was depressed, lonely, and covered in paint. At the moment I was sitting in the middle of what usually functioned as the living room, painting a large canvas portrait. Eddie Izzard was doing his routine on the television behind me, keeping me company while I spread the black acrylic paint across the white expanse of canvas, developing the outline of a mans coat. I was so deeply focused on what I was doing that it took several bangs on my door to get me up and answering. I looked out the little hole in the middle of the door, but there was nobody there that I could see, which was slightly disturbing. Shaking my head, I removed the safety chain and opened the door to look out at what could possibly have knocked on my door. I was greeted by a smallish, slobbering mass of black dog circling my legs and doing its damnedest to trip me on my ass. It worked. While I was enjoying the scenic view down on the floor, I grabbed the small whirling dervish by its collar, and noticed there was a note attached to the collar. I tore it off the little pink ribbon that was tied on the jump ring. Familiar handwriting jumped out at me. I smiled. "His name is Bob. He's yours love. Enjoy.~Ville~"I laughed a little. He'd gone to the trouble of going out and getting me the little pug Id always wanted. Bob had calmed down somewhat by this point, and was now laying sprawled across my lap, belly up. I scratched him there, and he began to growl and kick his leg out in complete heaven. He was exactly what I wanted. I cleaned up all my art supplies, tossing them in the hall closet out of puppy reach, and made sure everything was somewhat presentable before grabbing my cell and dialing Villes number."Hello?" His deeply accented voice made me feel tingly inside, especially after not hearing it for some time."Hey Ville. Its Kaieyn. I just got Bob, and I wanted to thank you. Why dont you come over?" I silently prayed for him to accept my invite, especially when there was a moment of dead air between the lines."Id like that. Ill be there in a few."I was running a brush through my neglected hair when Ville arrived. I anwsered the door, Bob trying to trip me in the midst of yet another of the small thing's frenzies. I laughed and bent to pick him up, straightening... and basically running into Ville's mouth. I took a step back, leaning against my door."Hi." He smiled at me, apparently sensing how shy I was."Hello Love. Nice place you have." I stared him up and down. It's amazing how the human psyche really does form an attachment that is addictive to certain things- and Ville certainly was that- an addiction. He was wearing dark jeans, a black shirt with a blazer over it, and one of his solve-all beanies. I smiled. "You going to come in or what?" I led him into the kitchen, straying past the living room and all of my canvases that I'd been working on. Some odd part in me wanted to keep them a secret from the rest of the world. He casually leaned against the counter as I pulled two beers out of the fridge."Bammi and I miss you love. Isn't there any chance you'll come back?" Eek, so much for a comfortable period of denial before he hit me with the big guns. I sighed, popping the tops off the bottles. "I'm embarassed to go back Ville. Ask Bam. Since we were little I never have liked admitting that I'm in the wrong, ever. This is another case of that stubborn pride rearing its head.""If you know that, then why can't you get over it and just come back?" He accepted the beer I handed him. I sighed."Just because you know a problem exists, doesn't mean that you have to actually make an attempt to fix it. I'm at a point in time in my life that I'm confused to no end. The only way I know how to solve that problem is to be on my own." I walked over to one of the chairs around the table, and slid into it."You're denying reality then, Kaieyn. That's not healty love." I took a pull from the bottle. "Yeah? And have you noticed that there are very few things in my life at all that are healthy?" I motioned him to the refridgerator. "I can tell you right now that there's a six pack of Mike's, a case of beer, some coffee, and my medication. That's all. The freezers got a couple bags of pizza rolls. The drawers hold packs of cloves, and the cabinets, liquor. From what Bam's told me, not too different from when you're on tour." That got him to back off of the issue a bit. Bob ran into the room at that moment and began jumping at Ville's leg, so he bent and picked him up, petting his stomach. Traitor. Bob was supposed to be on my side. "How are you feeling?" Ville's voice cut into my silent cursing of Bob."Fine. A little lightheaded and dizzy, but that I can handle. I forget to take my medication a lot." He shook his head and walked over to me, placing a hand on my neck. "You're ice cold love. You look like hell too, if you don't mind me saying." I tilted my head so his hand was pressed tighter to the skin, the warmth feeling amazing against my cold skin. He bent down over me and replaced his hand with his mouth, taking full advantage of my secret weakness. I felt so safe with him for some reason, something that I felt rarely with other people. When he pulled back, I threaded my fingers in his beltloops and pulled up so that I was standing in front of him."Hold me?" He chuckled a bit, and his arms went about me, enveloping me in all that is Ville. The scent of his cologne lulled me to a near-sleep state. We stood like that, standing in my kitchen for some time before I slipped out of his grasp and grabbed him by the hand, leading him into my personal lair- my bedroom.********************When you walk into my room, the first thing you notice are the blue walls. I discovered a long time ago that while I tried to maintain the "Goth" image, with black and red, they really weren't my favorite colors. I always have felt more connected to the color blue. There's several dressers, a modest sized bed done in a blue velvet comforter covered by a canopy, my record player, and workstation. The best part about it all though is my art. I had three paintings up- one of Joe Perry, an interpretive piece of "killing loneliness", and my favorite piece. The one I did of Ville from the cover of Razorblade must have impressed him as well, for when I dropped his hand, the first thing he looked at was the easel on which I had the painting propped up."Amazing love, amazing." I laid back on my bed, watching his reaction to the physical expression of who I was as a person. When he finished gazing at everything and joined me on the bed, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted from my chest. Ville now knew who I was in levels that other people didn't. Explanations without words always mean more than a giant volume. I moved so I could lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "You know what I like about you Ville?""Hmmm?""I can lie in bed with you and not worry about anything."

"I need a drink. You want one babydoll?" It was raining outside, and all we'd done all day was lay in bed. "I'm undressing you when I get back, too." Ville just smirked at my comment."You wouldn't dare." I merely stuck my tongue out at him, then laughing as I entered the hall to the kitchen. I kept a large bottle of vodka for such emergencies, and poured several finger worths of it into two tumblers. I mixed mine with seven up, left his straight, and entered the bedroom... where he wasn't."Ville? Where are you?" I frowned a bit. It's not like there really was anywhere to hide in my bedroom..."BOO!" I jumped about half a foot, almost risking the lives of my precious cargo. Ville moved from behind to grab his drink from me."Thanks love." He kissed me on the cheek, while I stood there trying to gain back the ten years of my life he's just kidnapped. (Sexymannapping, eh, Roxanna?) He downed the thing in one go, and looked at me as if I were foreign when I didn't follow suit. I drank half in comprimise."So what's all this about undressing me?" He stood before me, barefoot but clothed in everything else. Hey, what can I say? I like a challenge. I finished my drink, smoothed my hands down the front of the shirt I was wearing, and walked the short distance that was between us to stand almost nose to chest. (I'm short, handle it.) "Well, you've got too many clothes on. That's a problem that needs to be solved." I reached up and pulled off his beanie, releasing waves of rich brown curls. He shook his head a little, making it lay nicely. "Then there's the matter of the blazer-take it off.""But what if I don't want to?" He was baiting me, and I felt like catching the hook, just this once."Then I'll have to distract you, like this..." I kissed him, pulling his head down by the scarve he had wrapped about his neck. while our tongues dueled, I slipped the coat off his shoulders by the lapels, he helping by straightening his arms. as soon as it was off, his arms wrapped about me and he backed me up against the bedroom door, kissing me as if it were the last time he were going to be able to. I was becoming delerious, but I still had a job to do. I pushed against his chest with the palm of my hand, putting space between looked at me, puzzled. "I'm not done yet." I said by means of explaining. Carefully I unwrapped the scarve, tossing it onto the bed. Next was the matter of the shirt. "Close your eyes.""What Kai?""Close your eyes. Seriously love..." He looked at me confused for a moment, then sighing and complying with the order I gave him. "And keep them closed too." I warned. I grabbed the hem of his shirt in both hands and began to slide it up his body, revealing his toned stomach and tattoos. For every inch of skin I revealed, I invested about that much time exploring with my mouth, especially when I got to his chest. I traced the outline of the heartagram on his pec with my tongue, and smiled when I felt him shiver. "For the love of God, Kai..." He groaned, and I could visibally see him hardening in his jeans. "I'm not done yet..." I tossed the shirt on the floor, and then gently grabbed him through the heavy denim material of his pants, tracing the heavy outline. His eyes popped open at this new sensation, and for a moment I felt like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights, before they darkened with passion and longing. "Kaieyn..." His voice was husky, deepened by levels of arousal that were having quite the primal effect upon myself. My breathing quickened alongside his as I continued toying with him."Twenty bucks says I'm not wearing underwear love."I smiled."You're on."

I pulled the big ornamental beltbuckle he was wearing to the side, popping the latch and loosening the wide strap of leather. Next task: fly button and zipper. I pushed him nearer my bed, still standing though. I knelt before him (sort of), and manipulated my teeth around the demim of the top of the pants, pulling until the button released from the material. Next came the zipper, sliding it down antagonizingly slow, tooth by tooth. I could hear Ville's breath becoming more and more bated as I worked, until I tugged the pants down around his ankles, and then, off."Looks like you owe me twenty dollars, Mr."He laughed a bit, but it was definitely much huskier than usual. "Yes, but so far, it's been worth it."I grinned wickedly and stood, pushing him back hard so his knees caught the edge of the bed and he had no choice but to fall back. After I accomplished this, I climbed on top and straddled him, bending over him while toying with the laces of the corset shirt I was wearing. A stroke of genius if there ever was one...I pressed all my weight into his shoulders, bracing my arms against them while bending down to kiss him quite hard. His tongue met mine blow for blow, and I quickly had him groaning. If a man could go past a line of arousal, I assume it must have been something similar to the way he was reacting. We kissed fiercely for several minutes, before I let up and straightened, still sitting on top of him."No fair love, you're still dressed." He pouted a bit, which made me laugh. I flicked my gaze to the corner of my bedroom, where there was a giant metal pole that was used to run hot water through the building. Tonight though, I thought it was time to give it a new... purpose. I got off Ville, biting at his neck a bit. He sat up and leaned against the bank of pillows, his arms tucked behind his head to watch what in the hell I was doing. I switched my CD changer onto Unbroken by Monster Magnet, and turned, winking at him. "I've never done this before babydoll. Bear with me..." I stalked towards the pole, loosening the ties on my shirt so it fell open seductively. The music egged me on, so I began my impromptu striptease. I ground against it, teasing Ville with visuals of what I would be doing to him horizontally quite soon. I slipped my shirt off, and slowly peeled my pants off, leaving only my black lacy lingere. Soon enough, I felt a presence behind me, and felt a hard object pressing insistently against me from behind...

*****************************"Ummm..." I rolled over in bed, stretching my arms and legs out. I began to giggle as I remember all that happened the night before. Had I of known things were going to be that great, I would have slept with Ville ages ago. As it were, the object of my affections and obsessions was standing in the darkened doorway of my bedroom, light from the kitchen illuminating his back. I smiled and gestured for him to join me on the bed again. He slid in next to me gently, His body chilly against mine."What were you up to?" I shook with a chill as he pulled me tighter to him."I went outside for a smoke." We lay there so long that I began to fall asleep, lulled to contentment by his heartbeat. He stiffened against me."What?" I asked, concerned. He sighed. "Go back to sleep love. I'll tell you when you wake up." Before I could argue, he kissed me on the lips and got out of bed. I threw a pillow at his retreating back, but unfortunately it's quite hard to aim when you're on your back. I dozed for about an hour, the sunlight streaming though the windows being the thing that finally roused me to grouchy conciousness. I slipped my robe on and went out into the living room in search of Ville, since my bed was still devoid of his presence. I found him out on the balcony, smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and talking to someone in rapid fire Finnish on his phone. I slid the sliding door open and sat down in the deck chair across from him, waiting quite patiently for my standards for him to get off the phone. About ten minutes later, he clicked the phone shut, ran a hand though his hair, and looked over at me apologetically."I'm sorry about all this love. I meant to spend the day with you." I smiled and shrugged. "It's fine. I'm just in serious caffiene withdrawl." "Do you want me to run and get some coffee?" I thought for a moment, thinking how good a cup of Starbucks sounded at the moment."Yeah. That way I can shower while you're out."He stuck his tongue out at me. "What, and not wait for your knight in shining armor to join you?" I merely tossed him my keys."Mocha. Grande."*******************************I showered, dressed in a pair of black capris and a mint green tee and went back to the balcony. Ville had left his cigarettes on the table, so I lifted one from the pack, lifting it to my lips and lighting it with the small flame from my HIM zippo Bam had gotten for me a few years back. Bam... I needed to get a hold of him to talk things out. Chances were he was still pissed at me. I sat smoking, thinking about my life and where I was these days. A niggling voice in the back of my head kept telling the rest of my brain that I was much happier when hanging with Bam and Ville, so why not do it all the time? I ground the cigarette out, entering the house again and turning 311 on my stereo. I was in the middle of a sketch when Ville returned, bearing gifts of coffee."I'm sorry it took so long. This city is confusing." I laughed."Wait until Denver babydoll. Now there's a confusing city." I walked to him, kissed his lips and snagged my drink from the container. He picked up the drawing I was working on from the counter. "Beautiful."I just nodded my head."You always are Ville, you always are. Now, what is it that you were going to tell me earlier?" His face fell a bit and he slumped down on the couch."The band has to go out on tour for a few months.""Oh? When do you leave?" He worryed the material of his hat that was now between his hands."Tomorrow love." I sat down hard next to him, internalizing what he'd just told me. I was shocked at how depressed I was feeling."Will you stay with Bam while I'm gone?" He pleaded, looking me dead in the eyes."Worried about me or something?""Something like that." I nodded my head. "All right, you win. But just this once."************************VILLE'S POV:Of course I was worried about the voicemail that had been left on my phone threatening her, what else would I be?Sending her to Bam's was the only logical choice.

Kai's POV:We went shopping the rest of the day, picking up the essentials for Ville, and stuff I'd need for the time I was staying at Bam's again. I don't know what posessed me to agree to Ville's request, I had my own place and all, but it just seemed like a happier alternative. I couldn't go with him even if I wanted to, I had too many commitments that had to be handled. He made me promise that I would meet up with him in Finland though, in a couple of weeks. Bob was going with us too. That meant that at the moment, we were in the mall, wandering around a pet store, grabbing all the things that new pet parents needed. (Yes, Ville and I were in a committed relationship- to Bob.) I had to stay out of the store unfortunately after a few minutes. My allergies were killing me, so Ville graciously took over while I sat and played with Bob. After a long period of time, I was beginning to wonder what was taking him so long. I looked into the shop window, but he wasn't there. Sitting and waiting impatently, he finally showed up, tucking something into his coat pocket, acting slightly suspicious. I merely raised an eyebrow at walked towards me nonchalantly, collecting me from where I was sitting with the puppy. "What did you buy?" I asked, only half-teasing."It's a suprise. If I told you I would have to kill you." I giggled a bit at that. We walked out of the mall to my Lexus, Bob perching himself on top of Ville's lap as soon as he got in the car."Hey, he likes you."********************Fifteen minutes later, we'd pulled up in the drive of Castle Bam. I sighed and squeezed the steering wheel, a bit unsettled. He noticed this and ran a hand down the side of my cheek. "Everything is going to be fine love. Bammi loves you and forgives you for what happened. Everything is status quo again."I smiled shakily, not feeling all that well. I had been hiding the fact from Ville all day, not wanting to make things even worse. I'd lost my meds somewhere in the miasma of my bedroom, and on top of everything else I was feeling really lightheaded. I took a deep breath, and reached for the door handle. We walked into the Castle and were immediately greeted by Ryan and Dico, grabbing us up in a big hug. Bob yelped in suprise as Ryan nearly missed stepping on him. Bam sauntered out of the kitchen to greet us, and for a moment I was hesitant, remembering that we really hadn't parted on the best of terms. Everything was just fine though, apparently, because he caught me up in a big hug and swung me around in his arms. "Wille Walo!" Bam caught him up in an equally enthusiastic embrace. I laughed, and promptly was dizzy. I grabbed at Ryan's arm for support. He looked down at me with concern, but thankfully Ville and Bam were in such a state of ignorance that no one else noticed. I shook my head minutely at Ryan, praying to god that he would let sleeping dogs lie. I leaned into him, resting my head against his chest, willing the darkness of my vision to clear. It took a while, and when Ville turned around to face me, I honestly was getting progressively worse. I smiled forcefully for him though."Is it alright if I go lie down for a while? I'm kinda tired." Bam looked at me like I was crazy. "Uh... Yeah I guess. Ville and I have stuff to catch up on anyways."Ville walked towards me, pulling me from Ryan's side and against his own. "You alright kiddo?""Yeah, just a bit tired from last night and all the shopping we did. Come boy!" I patted my leg for Bob to follow, and kissed Ville lightly on the lips, which caused a round of "awws" to be issued from the CKY crew. I waved a bit, and made my way upstairs, collapsing on my bed the instant I got the door open. I passed out a moment later, a horrible ringing noise in my ears...**********************Ville's POV"So, You and Kai have hit it off really well apparently." Bam and I were standing outside by his pool."She's amazing.""I want to know how you got her to come back here so quickly." I just smiled and turned my head to the side, hoping Bam didn't notice anything unusual. I love him, but he really doesn't need to know all the details of my sex life."Have your guys been able to trace the phonecall, Bammi?"He shook his head. "No, it's completely out of the blue. They're still working on it though. Man, how scary is that. Does Kai know anything about it?""Not a thing. I didn't want to stress her out any worse than she already is. Keep an eye on her Bam, life seems to be getting to her." I took a pull off the beer that was in my hand."Is she cutting still?" "No, thankfully. Keeping her busy takes her mind off of things, and besides, she has the puppy now too. That should help."*************************************Kaieyn's POV:I awoke with a thundering headache, and my body felt weak. I managed to get out of bed and to the door before another dizzy spell hit, an intense headrush that had me moaning quietly. I made my way down Bam's dangerous steps carefully, grabbing a beer from the fridge and joining the guys outside where they were talking. Instead of taking the seat next to him, I sat down on Ville's lap, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck. Bam just chuckled, because I had never been this openly affectionate with someone before."Do you have to go?" Ville wrapped his arms around me."I do love, I'm sorry. But we'll see each other really soon, I promise." He was talking to me like I was a child, but I felt so awful that I didn't really care. Bam and Ville started talking about things again, and I dozed, the beer falling from my hand and onto the concrete, shattering. They both just started to laugh when I screamed a little bit. "Its not funny!" I huffed, having to put one hand over my eye to keep from seeing double. Ville noticed, and his grip on me tightened slightly. "Are you all right angel?" I nodded."I'll be fine. Just a little tired." I leaned back against his chest again, falling asleep. ***********************Several hours later, I awoke, back in my bed. I rolled onto my side, and ran into Ville, sitting on the other side of my bed, holding a big teddy bear. He leaned over and brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes."Mornin sleepyhead." I smiled. "Teddy for me?"He chuckled, and forked over the squishy. I hugged him hard. Ville's face then got serious."Your anemia's acting up again, isn't it love?" I shrugged. "It comes and goes. I'll be fine." "Are you taking your medicine?""Yes...?" A wave of dizziness hit me again. I curled into a ball, moaning softly. "Sucks." Ville got scared and was ready to pick me up and carry me to the hospital, but I stopped him by clamping a hand around his wrist. "Don't. I'll be fine." He sighed and laid down in the bed next to me, holding me close. At this point I was cursing in Finnish, calling myself ten types of idot for forgetting my I woke again, Ville was gone, but there was a note and a rose on the pillow that now smelt of him. I smiled, thinking about getting to see him soon.******************"Kai, Laura and Jyrki are here!" Bam's voice calling from the landing, shocked me, and I ran a big black line through the picture I was drawing. Shit. I ran down the stairs though, excited at the fact my best friend was here. I tackled her as soon as she came into my line of vision, and Jyrki and Jussi started to bellylaugh. I popped up and grinned, reaching a hand down to Laura to help her up off her ass and hug her properly."What's up girlie?""Oh, not much. Following these crazy bastards around." She motioned towards the two Finns. I laughed."I feel your pain. I'm staying with Bam until HIM gets back from their tour in a few months." At this comment Laura raised her eyebrow."Oh really? Where Mr. Valo is now dictates where you live? Interesting...""I'll give you the full story in a bit. First things first- what are we going to do now?"Jussi jumped up and down like a little kid. "Oh, ooh... I know! Strip Club!"

Laura and I were sitting at a side table at the strip club, laughing as Jyrki and Jussi were being mobbed by fans. Never have I seen more boobs bared and signed in sharpie than this night. Laura and I had been sitting and talking the time we'd been there, occasionally reaching up to slip a single into some woman's G-string. The place we were was unlike any other conventional strip club I'd been to, due to the fact that it seemed to cater to a more hardcore goth crowd than anything else. I rather liked it. Instead of a gross blonde woman sticking her ass in my face, at least these ones had interesting tattoos. This all made me think back on how I wanted to start my own brothel in highschool. It was a major thing with a lot of people back then."I'm going to hit the bar again sweetheart. We've run the well dry again." I stood, walking towards the bar through the mass of men that were for the most part standing around and gawking, I laughed to myself at the fact they were so easily entertained. I waved the bartender over, and tried really hard to ignore the fact that he was trying to look down the leather corset I was wearing. "Mikes and a beer. Two Vodka triples."As I stood waiting for my order to be filled, I looked back over at the table, and saw that Laura had two interesting looking goth lovelies sitting with her, and that the other boys were far out of sight. The bartender tapped me on the shoulder, so I handed him a twenty over my shoulder, then turning to grab the drinks. Heading back to the table, I leaned over Laura and placed her drinks down, noting the looks of interest her new friends were giving me."Aw love, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" I slammed my vodka, followed by half my Mike's. I swayed a bit as the alcohol hit my bloodstream, a welcoming headrush. Both of the men were quite androgynous, but attractive. I was past drunk for me at this point, which is bad all things considered. I moved to sit down in the booth, and for some odd reason the one closest to me basically started petting me. Talk turned to vampires and bloodletting, and before I knew it, Laura and I were being whisked away to some car, which led to some house in some neighborhood. Each one took us by the hand and led us into a room, which was painted black and decorated with crosses and the like. One of the guys turned "The Dope Show" on, and I was roughly pushed down onto the low bed. My hands were manacled above my head, and it only took me a moment to start cursing and screaming. I had no idea what they had done with Laura, and was completely panicing. The guy that was in the room with me clamped a hand down on my mouth, then a thick strip of duct tape. I felt a stabbing pain in my arm, and soon a deep numbing sensation coursed its way though me. The bastard had shot me full of some sort of relaxant. My head fell back against the surface I'd been placed on, and he went to work. He undid the corset fixtures on my shirt, and pushed the parts to the side, not being capable of removing it due to the fact I was chained down. I felt him loom up over me, and push my hair to the side of my neck, baring it. Pain registered as he bit through the skin, piercing through an arterial wall. I was crying at this point it felt so bad, but apparently that was the wrong thing to do because I could feel his erection pressing insistently against me as he drank my blood. Visions of Ville kept popping into my head. What had I gotten myself into this time? I was feeling weaker and weaker by the instant, all the effects of the evening catching hold of me. I begged myself silently to stay concious, to not let anything worse happen again. After a time the bastard stopped, sitting up and dabbing at the blood with a piece of gauze. He unchained my arms, and wrapped gauze further about my neck, knowing I couldn't fight back due to the medication he'd shot me full of. I wept silently.

It was some time later that I finally noticed that there was no one in the room with me. I looked around, and slowly pulled my body up from the hard surface I was laying upon. Slowly, I made my way to the door. There were several other doors just like the one I'd just walked out of, and clearly out of sheer luck I opened the one across the way from me. It took a minute for my eyes to readjust to the dim lighting, and sure enough, there was Laura, laying in the same state that I had been only moments before. I gasped, and made my way towards her."Laura!" I hissed her name, shaking her as much as I possibly could in my current state. She groaned, and a minute later, sat up, albeit somewhat foggily. I pulled her up and onto her feet. "C'mon, we need to get the hell out of here."***It took us quite a bit of time to get out of that hellhole. It didn't help that we were scared shitless by the prospect of running into our captors/mutilators, and it must have been sheer luck that we didn't run into them on the way out. Outside of the house, I found my purse, casually discarded. I bent down, groaning, and snatched my cell from it, dialing Jyrki's number. It rang once."Jaa?" His voice sounded harried."Oh thank god!" I spent the next few minutes talking to him, begging for him to come pick us up. He hung up on me after reassuring me for the fifth time that they would be there as fast as possible. Laura and I basically collapsed on the ground, bloodloss and narcotics taking their tolls on us. I reached for her hand, and held on as tight as I possibly could. I vaguely remember the sound of a car pealing out on the street, and being cradled by something strong that was covered in leather and the smell of cigarette smoke. I held on tight. *********POV Change:Jyrki and Jussi rushed to the address that Kaieyn had given them. The entire time, they were cursing themselves for letting the girls get out of their sight. Especially with the warning that Bam had issued to them, telling the story of the threats on Kati's life that Ville had recieved the day before. "Paikalla he aari!" *There they are!* Jussi practically jumped out of the car before Jyrki had a chance to stop properly. They both ran across the street and picked up the semi-concious girls, noting with disgust the rents in their necks. After getting back in the car, Jyrki called Bam."Yo, what's up?" "Bam, meet us at the hospital as soon as you can..."

Kaieyn's POVCold... so very cold. The smell of anitseptics filled my senses, gagging me. I moved a hand, felt the familiar weight of an IV in it. Laura!I bolted straight up, only to be stayed by a hand on my shoulder. I rubbed at my eyes, and it took a minute to focus on the lines and shapes that made the outline of Jussi. He gently but insistently pushed me back so I was laying on the hard little pillow of the hospital bed."Laura..." her name passed through my dry and cracked lips. The room began to spin, and I had to close my eyes against the crashing waves of vertigo. "Laura is fine, Kaieyn. Jyrki is with her. Tell me, how did you end up over at that house?"I turned my head to the side, and caught a glimpse of the crimson fluid flowing from the bag and into the skinny tube connected to my hand. Funny, I'd never had a blood transfusion before this. I simply stared, fascinated by the color against the stark white of the room."Kai???" Jussi's voice harbored genuine concern. And anger."We were drinking. One thing led to another, and they pushed it upon us to go with them. Where's Ville..."Jussi ran his hand through my hair, careful not to brush the gauze pad that had been dressed to cover up the slash in my neck. "Ville is on tour Kai...""I huolia Ville..." *I want Ville*Jussi looked at me sympathetically. "I osata lempi." *I know love*A wave of nausea hit me as I began to recollect what had happened that evening. I felt horridly violated. I was supposed to be the strong one, not the victim of another person's whims. Tears began to stream down my face, and I curled my hands into balls. "Where's Laura Jussi?""They have her in the room across the hall. She will be fine, like you. The doctors say that whoever did this to you missed the jugular, thankfully. As soon as we figure out who did this..." He switched to Finnish, murmuring to himself. I sighed and braced myself for another onslaught of dizziness. I noticed a flash of movement by the door, and realized that it was Bam. He walked to the opposite side of the bed from Jussi, and smiled down at me, visibally shaken."How's my girl doing?" I smiled weakly. It scared me to see Bam so somber."I want to go home...""The doctor says that as soon as you finish this transfusion and a bag of saline that you can come home, if you promise to take it easy for a week or so. Jussi, Laura and Jyrki are going to be staying with us too." With that, Bam motioned Jussi to follow him out of the room, closing the door behind them, leaving me to my thoughts...*************POV CHANGE:"Do you think these bastards were the ones calling Ville?" Jussi spoke in hushed tones so not to attract much attention from the people walking the halls around them. Bam nodded his head."Seems like it. I doubt that something like this would just randomly occur."Jyrki spoke up. "We know where they live Bam. We can do something about this. They seem like cowards.""I've got a feeling that there's more going on here than just this. I mean, how many people honestly know that Ville and Kai are sort of an item? She won't even admit it.""Maybe, but she was asking for him earlier." Jussi commented."They're both blind. What matters now is that we keep a tight watch on her. I'd hate to see what Ville would do if he found out about what happened here.""You mean you aren't going to tell him?" Jyrki looked over at his friend in shock."Hell no, I don't need the wrath of Ville coming down on me. Kai wouldn't want him to know anyways. Besides, what's done is done. At least the girls are going to be all right." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else.****************Kai's POV:When we finally were allowed to leave (AMA), it seemed like there was a cloud of gloom spread across ever:yone's features. Instead of cracking jokes and the like, Bam was intensely focused on driving for once. Jussi and Jyrki were quiet, and Jyrki had Laura gathered to his chest in a fiercely protective manner that made me wish I had Ville as my own even more. Thinking just made me depressed, so by the time we got to the Castle, all I wanted to do was go upstairs to my room and sleep. I felt like I'd done something horribly was there to greet me, barking and nipping at my pantleg until I bent down somewhat shakily to pick him up. Bam caught my arm to stabilize me when I got back up. We walked to the living room, and he sat me down on the couch patiently, sitting next to me and wrapping an arm about my waist. I laid my head on his shoulder."Who knows?"Bam sighed. "Only Jussi, Jyrki and I. Do you want to tell Ville?"I shook my head. "No. I don't need him worrying about me. He's out doing his thing on tour."Bam nodded. "All right. He's going to find out eventually, you know though."He switched the television on, and we laid there, watching some old movie, while I held onto Bob. The puppy began to lick my face, as if sensing my mood and trying to cheer me up. I laughed a little at the tickling sensation of his little tongue against my cheek. "How long until we meet up with HIM in Finland Bammi?""Hum? Oh, three weeks give or take. Just enough time for you to heal, I think." I touched a hand to the bandaging around my neck. A surge of fear hit me, and made me realize that I needed to be a bit more careful about what I did.

I fell asleep while we were laying there on the couch, completely exhausted. I vaguely recall Bam carrying me up to my room and laying me underneath the comforter. He turned to go, but I roused enough to grab at his wrist and pull him down on the bed again. I didn't want to be alone. He sighed, and got under the covers with me. I laid my head on his shoulder, the tears threatening to spill. He held me all night.************When I woke, I could smell the scent of breakfast wafting up from the kitchen downstairs. Bam wasn't next to me, so I slowly dragged my aching body out of the bed and dressed in black pants and one of Ville's shirts that he'd left. Walking downstairs, I smiled to see the two big gothic men that were supposed to be so feared, sitting down at the breakfast table and doing something as mundane as eating sausage and pancakes. Laura sat between them, picking at the plate that was in front of her. I sat down across the way from them, ruffling Bam's hair affectionately as I walked past him. April placed a plate in front of me, and I dug in, starving."So, you guys have anything planned for today?"Jyrki sighed. "Publicity stuff. Signings and the like. Bam was going to join us..." He looked at me quizzically, as if asking permission for Bam to go with them. I laughed a little, shaking my head. "Have fun then. I guess that leaves Laura and I to some seriously intense shopping." I glanced over at her. "are you up for it, chikadee?"She smiled back faintly. "Of course."Bam plucked at the fabric of the shirt that I had on. "Tell me you're not sleeping with him Kai!"I merely shrugged, smiling. "Okay Bam. I'm not sleeping with Ville.""Technically..." Came uttered from the mouth of Jyrki under his breath, smiling. ********Bam and the Helsinki Vampires had left about an hour ago, and Laura and I were on our way to the mall to do some intense wardrobe therapy. Don't ask me why, but it seems that the universal balm for trauma for women is to spend gratuitous amounts of money restructuring one's wardrobe. We ran into Hot Topic, and I quickly selected several corset shirts, along with some intimate apparel, while Laura lingered by the accessory rack, shopping her hearts content of earrings, jewelry, and the like. There were lots of HIM items, and just for the hell of it, I bought most of them that caught my eye. That way I had something interesting to suprise Ville with when I finally got the chance to see him next week, I got giddy just thinking about it. We hit Bath and Body Works, where I picked up more of the Jasmine Vanilla lotion that I loved. Finally about two and a half hours later, we were pretty much content with our extravagant spending spree. We both had several nice outfits, not to mention the wide assortment of lingere we'd dared each other into purchasing. I hoped to god that Bam wouldn't have a chance to see what I'd purchased- Ville and I would be in living hell for several months if that were to be the case. After grabbing lunch, I swung my car back in the direction of the Castle. We spent the rest of the afternoon scheming about crazy ideas for my upcoming birthday. There was no way in hell we were going to let it be a mundane experience. Talk turned to an idea that I'd fostered since highschool. With a few improvements, it seemed more than doable. Just expensive as hell.*********Jyrki took Laura out for a night on the town when they returned from their busy day of "work". That left Bam Jussi and I to our own devices. Scary prospect, because the minute the front door shut behind the two lovebirds, I felt myself being dragged downstairs to the Pirate Bar, and lifted up to perch on the counter. Jussi tied a bandanna around my eyes, and Bam thrust a shot into my hand. After explaining the principles of their psychotic game, we drank. And hours later we were out at some open park thing, Bam being mobbed by fans, and Jussi and I were walking the railing of the bridge that was built over a shallow river. He jumped off when we got to the end, and turned to help me dismount. We started walking along the path in the moonlight, just shooting the breeze. Talk soon turned to why it seemed like everyone was hiding something from me, and I poked and prodded at Jussi until I got the truth out of him, about the threats Ville had received on his phone before he left to go out on to say I was a bit shocked and angry. Why would they hide something like that from me? I decided to wait to confront Bam until we got back home. It didnt make any sense to cause a huge scene in front of a bunch of complete strangers. Jussi was completely oblivious to the fact that hed just told me something that he shouldnt of, and we were all good, even up to the ride home in the Hummer. As soon as the front door opened though"Bam! Get your lily white ass up to my room, pronto!" I pointed in the direction that I wanted him to go, and walked behind him until we got to our destination. I slammed my door shut to ram my point home. Bam sat on my bed, looking slightly scared."Talk."He cocked his head, puzzled. About what?The voicemails Ville got. That you ever so conveniently forgot to tell me looked like hed swallowed a gallon of acid. How in the hell did you find out about that? Then it dawned on him. Jussi.I merely nodded. Yes, Jussi spilled. Bam, I dont understand why nobody told me about this. Im not two, for crying out loud. I think I can handle something like this, especially if its concerning my welfare and just ran his finger over the pattern in my comforter, sheepish. I sighed, and moved to sit next to him. Most of my anger was spent- well, towards him at least. Ville was a completely different matter. Do you think that what happened to Laura and I is connected in any way towards this crazy person Bam?He sighed. Thats the thing. We really dont know anything Kai Unless Villes got more calls that he hasnt told us about, we really dont know anything about this guy.I sat there, kind of on another planet. The shock was settling in, only in layers. My mind was trying to comprehend all that Bam had revealed to me and since my natural reaction to anything negative is to repress, wellBam shook my shoulder to drag me back to reality. We leave to go to Finland in two days though. Theres something to look forward . Seeing Ville again. And wanting to scream at him for lying to me. About something that seemed pretty vital in my books. So I merely nodded at Bam, instead of voicing my true opinion to him. I was peacefully actually. Nice, happy dreams about Joe Perry and Val Kilmer. Until I felt an immense load on my chest that threatened to collapse my lungs. My eyes snapped open and I saw that Bam and Ryan were lying across me, the source of my near-death experience. So I did the logical thing and kneed Ryan in the balls, which caused him to punch Bam in the face. I merely laughed. Kai you whore Ryan wheezed from the floor, near the foot of the bed.I giggled. Several hours later and much swearing and drinking, we were comfortably situated on a plane that was bound for Helsinki. I pulled my grey hoodie closer to my body due to the fact that I hadnt been feeling all that well. My hands were shaky as I was lifting my Grand Marnier to my lips, staring out the window and mentally preparing myself for the confrontation that was bound to occur. I still wasnt over the fact that Ville had kept such a secret from me. We finally landed about four hours later. I was exhausted, but perked up a little when I saw a familiar group of stoic rockers standing outside the gate holding signs with our names on them. Upside down. I laughed, and ran towards Ville, dropping my carry-on so I could jump on him. I wrapped my arms around him, and he cradled my head in his hands, pulling me close. After a couple of minutes, I properly said hello to the rest of the band, and we made our way out of the airport and into the rental that Bam had arranged. Ville kept me close to him, and I really was happy except for that one little fact. Every part of me wanted to confront him about it, but for some reason, I just couldnt bring myself to speak about it in front of everyone. We went out to dinner with everyone, which was a giant beer fest, and it wasnt until we were sitting in Lindes garage that I finally got the courage to act upon my anger. We were smoking like fiends, talking about the random good ol days. I was getting bored, quite sober and sick of smoking clove after clove while they ranted on about random nonsense. I began to fidget in my chair, almost falling off onto the ground more than once. "Im going to go get a beer." Ville stood from his seat, walking towards the door leading into the main part of the house. I rolled my eyes, and settled back into my seat."Isnt somebody coming with me?" He pouted. I sighed, and got up from my chair, shuffling towards him. "God, cant even handle getting a drink by yourself?" I shook my head, but followed him into the entryway. I was making my way into the main part of the basement when he suddenly pulled me to him, leaning down and kissing me. I moaned a bit in protest, then melting into the embrace. We stood there, making out like teenagers for several minutes until he bent and whispered into my ear, Lets go sit lead me by the hand into the little living room that was off-set. He sat down on the couch, and I straddled him, running my hands through his hair and toying with his mouth, raking my teeth over his lower lip and tongue, then moving to play with the column of his throat. His hands strayed over my back, and his mouth moved towards my neck. I whispered, Bite me, and sure enough, he followed orders. I felt delicious pain as he bit me just hard enough and began to suck, leaving a hickey in his wake. Suddenly the door opened, and I freaked out, moving to get off Villes crotch. It seemed strange to have Bam and the guys walk into a session. I was flashed many knowing grins as they came and sat down around us though. I merely stretched out a bit, and , we have enough people for an orgy! I giggled a bit, using the dictionary definion of the word. Of course none of them took it this way, and I ended up sitting on a couch surrounded by seven shirtless men. Oh dear.

In a womans life, there are a handful of moments in which she wishes for a camera to capture a moment in time. This was one of them. After the initial shock wore off, I leaned back into the couch, attempting to ignore the vast expanses of flesh surrounding me. I succeeded in getting things to the point where I was only giggling and gawking a small portion of the time. The liquor bottles opened, and shot glasses were thrust into hands, filled with the sweet ambrosia of our Bacchus- like gods. I was on a mission to get drunk, as was par norm, and was far from disappointed. Vodka appeared in my glass as soon as it was drained, and according to my little experiment, it only took ten shots to make me warm and fuzzy inside. I cuddled up against Villes shoulder, sighing as he wrapped his arm about my side, pulling me close so I could feel the vibrations when he spoke. I began to drift away, lulled into a state of blissful tranquility by alcohol until Bam undid the clasp of my bra. What the fuck? I reached back to fix it, fumbling. Bam just sat there laughing. Ville finally took some pity on me and helped reclasp the thing, and I sat up, shooting death lasers out of my eyes. Unfortunately, it seemed that Bam was impervious to this, so I did the most logical thing ever.I jumped on him, pinning him to the carpet with the levels of inertia that I was capable of producing. Then licked the side of his face. Apparently the tactics of a drunk woman are slightly less violent and testosterone fueled that those of menfolk. Laughing, I rolled off him and jumped up, running like hell out of the house and into the front yard, where I collapsed on the grass a moment later, laughing my ass off and rolling in the dew-soaked blades. My eyes focused on the clear, cold sky above me. The stars were absolutely magnificent. I stayed there, merely staring up at the night sky, for some time. I could have stayed there the rest of the evening had it not been for a curl of smoke entering my line of vision, then the looming visage of a man peering over me. I looked up and focused, and realized that it was Ville, apparently come to collect me after not running back into the warmth of the house. Helsinki was Bam?Asleep inside, leaning on Burton. Ville smirked, ashing his cigarette. I smiled. He lay down next to me on the grass, smoking and looking up into the sky. I dont know how long we simply were there, gazing at something which will never be fully understood, but I do know that I was getting cold. Ville propped himself up on an elbow, and looked over at me. Cmon princess, its time we got you home. Youre drunk and your lips are blue.I merely smiled.

Ville picked me up from the ground, holding me to him tight. We reentered the house, waiting for the cab he'd called. I curled into a ball on the couch, tired and far gone. Ville maneuvered so my head was laying in his lap, running his hand through my hair. I was nearly asleep when I felt his hand brush across my keloid and linger there. "What in the hell?" He shifted my head so he could better access to look at what my choker had hid up until this point. I tried to sit up, but he pinned me down with a hand firmly on my chest."Kai, are you cutting again?" The pad of his thumb traced the ugly red line. I could see the anger in his eyes, the disbelief. I shook my head. "These guys" I whispered. The story tumbled out, and I felt his arms tighten around me the more I told. Suddenly he pushed away, standing and pacing the room, searching for a cigarette. I motioned to my purse on the coffee table, and he lit one of my cloves, inhaling shakily. I sat up, my anger returned."Why did you neglect telling me about the voicemails Ville?" He coughed, choking on the smoke he'd just inhaled incorrectly. Eyes watering, he turned to look at me. How?" I cut him off with a hand. "Jussi told me and Bam confirmed it. Why lie to me babe? Had I of known maybe this could have been avoided"He sighed. "I was trying to protect you. I know how stressed out you are." I stood from the couch and walked towards him shakily. Tears began to course down my face. His cigarette fell to the ground, forgotten. His arms supported my collapsing weight and lifted me up. He tried comforting me, but I apparently was beyond the point of no return, and slapped him hard across the face. He let go of me and stumbled backwards, hand to the side of his face in shock. I crumpled into a drunken heap on the carpet. I heard his body weight sink into the chair across the way and then, silence. I curled up so that my back was facing him, and concentrated on not having another panic attack. I knew that I'd left my Xanax at the hotel where Laura and I were staying. I felt awful about slapping Ville, but I was completely destroyed at the thought that he could keep something so important from me. Some time later, there was a honking noise from somewhere outside, and it took a moment to register that it must be the cab that Ville had called. I didn't make a move to get up and acknowledge that it was there, though. Next thing I knew, I heard him sigh and bend to pick me up off the floor. I was too numb at that point to protest, even though anger and sadness still ran through my veins. I vaguely remember being placed in the backseat of the vehicle, but for some odd reason, we weren't headed in the direction of the hotel but someplace new, a part of Helsinki that I hadn't visited before. I saw the front of a redbrick building, and heard Ville paying the cabdriver before I succumbed to the exhaustion.

When I next roused to consciousness, I was facedown on a bed, my face pressed into a soft pillow. My mouth was dry and my head was screaming at me for consuming so much alcohol. I groaned, and moved to turn onto my back. I was greeted by the sight of a leather-pant clad Ville sitting on the end of the bed. I was still mad at him though, and the sight of him at the moment was causing my ire to rise a bit more. I shook my head a little and moved to get out of the bed. I assumed we were at Ville's place because there were Red Bull cans and cigarette packs strewn about the room, and in all honesty, looked like a casual afterthought. I leaned back and grabbed a pillow and made my way to leave the room. Ville stayed me though by capturing my right wrist in his hand. I tried to yank it away, but to no avail."Where do you think you're going love?"I tugged a bit more. "To sleep out on your couch. I'm tired and in all reality don't want to deal with you at the moment." He just tightened his grip on my wrist until it was almost painful. I stared down at where we were joined."Let me go Ville." I pulled again. This time he responded by jerking me back and using the force to pin me to the mattress. The feel of cold steel enveloped my wrist, and when I looked, sure enough I was handcuffed to the post of the bed. He'd apparently been planning for this. "We need to talk Kaieyn, and this is the only way I know I can get you to listen to me at the moment." I rolled my eyes at his theatrics. He responded in kind by grasping my chin and moving my head so that I was making eye contact with him. He sighed, and continued."I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the calls I received. I honestly thought that between the other guys and I, we really could protect you from any potential harm. Unfortunately we were wrong, and I'll be damned if I don't kill those bastards who did this to you and Laura. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you while you were in the hospital, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there all those nights to keep your bed warm." His last comment shocked me a bit, and I opened my mouth to speak. He silenced me with a lone finger to my lips, and smiled sadly. "I'm also sorry that I didn't get the chance to do this to you all that time, either." With that, his lips replaced the finger stilling me, and kissed me softly, gently. Some time passed before he straightened again, smiling. "Are we all right again, lempi?" I sighed, and nodded. I also jingled the handcuff a bit. "You going to take this off now babe, or what?" He merely grinned wickedly. "I don't know, I kind of like the view from here." "Ville""All right, all right. I'll set you free" He pulled the key from his pocket and undid the small clasp, the bracelet falling open loose. I continued to lie where I was on the bed though. A wave of dizziness and nausea suddenly came over me, and I wanted to do nothing more than curl into the fetal position and cry, it hurt so badly. He noticed and began to rub my back."What's wrong?" There was panic in his voice, and I took several deep, steadying breaths before I was capable of speech. "Nothing I'm fine sweetheart. Just a little dizzy." He frowned. "Where's your medication?""Back at the hotel where Laura and I are staying.""You aren't staying there anymore. Laura is at Jyrki's and I'd like for you to stay with me, especially if you're ill like this." I made a move to sit up from the bed, but crashing waves of vertigo made me gasp and Ville literally had to catch me before I fell from the bed. "I don't want to be a burden Ville. Honestly, I'll be fine on my own" He shook his head. "No Kaieyn. It's already been arranged that you're going to be staying with me. All your things are here. Just tell me where your medication is." It took me a minute to recall where I'd packed it, and after telling him, he gracefully walked out of the room to retrieve the bottles that I'd come to rely upon so heavily. Somehow I managed to drag my body under the comforter and tried to get warm, partly due to having chills and the rest because it was winter in Helsinki.I was half asleep when Ville returned. He was carrying a glass of water and a few pills. I dutifully took the medication, lying back down afterwards. He joined me, wrapping his fingers about my own. I tucked my arm underneath the pillow I was resting on and adjusted so that I was on my side, looking into Ville's emerald crinkled up a bit as he smiled. "Do you have a show tonight?""Unfortunately."I shrugged. "You'll have fun. You always do." He looked up at me expectantly. "Are you coming?""I don't know. Maybe if I feel better. Although my liver could use a break." He laughed, and gathered me closer to him. I splayed my hand open on his chest and laid my head on his shoulder. A few minutes later, I felt a shift in his breathing pattern which indicated that he'd fallen asleep.

My dreams were frightening. Surreal, I guess would be an even better descriptor. I kept dreaming that we were in some bizarre rural town, and for some odd reason everything was too picturesque. Things were even more frightening when the dreams started about having to be taken away from Ville and live with this tyrannical character, where I ended up dying some time later. I awoke from that one gasping, cold sweat broken out on my face. Nearly hyperventilating, I turned my head and looked down at Ville sleeping peacefully next to me. Apparently my near suffocation hadn't aroused him from his beauty sleep. I moved so my legs were dangling over the side of the bed and hopped out, padding into the living room and the kitchen to retrieve my cigarettes from my purse. I lit one up and bent over the island, thinking back on what I could remember from the rapidly retreating dreams. I was nearly asleep again where I was standing when there came a knock on the door. After jumping and yelping a bit, I stood frozen while the door slowly opened of its own volition. Jussi popped his head around the door, smiling and waving at me where I was standing, clutching my robe to my body. I forced myself to take deep, calming breaths as he walked to me, stealing the cigarette from my lips and taking a drag.

"How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine. Tired, but that's not entirely unusual. Ville's asleep if you want to wake him."

"Naah. I was actually thinking about grabbing you and sneaking out for a beer or two. You want to?"

I thought for a minute, and then nodded. "That sounds fine. Let me throw a clean shirt on first."

The bar that Jussi took me to wasn't far from Ville's loft. We grabbed a table and he ordered two Guinness's, lighting up after. I quickly drank half my pint.

"So, Ville knows what happened?" I managed to not choke on any of my beer as he threw the question at me point-blank.

"Yeah. He found out while we were out with the band last night. We had quite the confrontation this morning about everything. We're okay now though, I guess. He also mentioned that you were playing a show at a club this evening. I think I'm going to sit this one out though." He nodded.

"Laura mentioned not being up to going either. Maybe you can spend the evening at Jyrki's with her or something."

I smiled. "So they're an item, are they?" Jussi snorted in laughter. "And it's damned annoying sometimes. You ladies are stealing all my drinking buddies." He ruffled my hair affectionately. "I can't help if I'm good at what I do Jussi. I only try to do what I can." We stayed there and had another few beers a piece before he looked at his watch and realized that it was only two hours off from when they had to be at the concert venue. Gallantly walking me back to Ville's, we stumbled over the drifts of snow that had accumulated in the past few hours, singing and laughing as we were a little bit buzzed. I tripped when we got to the door, and it flew open, revealing a panicked Ville, complete with phone in hand.

"Hi honey…" I didn't manage much more than that before being pulled into the house along with Jussi. He marched me over to the couch and set me down, indicating for Jussi to take the seat next to me. I watched, bemused, as he began pacing.

"What in the hell were you two thinking!"

Jussi shrugged. "That getting a beer sounded good?" Ville looked like he wanted to slap him. I tried to intervene.

"Ville, calm down please. All we did was go out for a few drinks. I'm a big girl; I think I can handle myself."

"I know that! But you didn't leave a note or anything letting me know that you were with Jussi or anything! For all I knew you'd been kidnapped again by the person leaving the voicemails."

I'd never seen Ville so upset about anything. It was slightly frightening and endearing at the same time. Jussi spoke again.

"Ville, as you can see, the only kidnapping done here was by myself. You were asleep or otherwise we would have brought you along too. Now hurry up. We have to be at the venue in half an hour." It surprised me how sober he sounded. Ville just shook his head and walked back into the bedroom, clearly still upset. I turned to Jussi.

"I think we made him angry."

"He'll be fine Kai. Ville's just quite territorial and possessive about what he loves."

I cocked my head to the side. "You think he loves me?" Jussi nodded. "You can see it in his eyes every time he looks at you."

I just sat there on the couch for some time, until Ville came back into the room, dressed in jeans and a button down shirt. He was putting on a tie as he spoke to me.

"Jyrki is going to drop Laura off in a few minutes. I'd like it if you two would stay in this evening, please?"

I felt like I was being reprimanded for things an eight year old would have done. I nodded my head like a good little girl though, and muttered some choice names for him under my breath. I couldn't wait for him to leave the apartment, fearing for his safety almost at the hands of my evil temper. He walked over and kissed me on the lips swiftly, almost as if he sensed the imminent danger he'd just placed himself in the path of. After he and Jussi left, I locked the front door and lay down across the couch. My dizzy spells and tremors were bothering me more severely than they had in months, and I was beginning to suspect that my stress levels affected the condition immensely.

I laid there until a hard pounding on the front door indicated to me that Jyrki and Laura had arrived. Sighing, I dragged my lazy ass up and padded over. I let them inside the house, and after stealing a beer and a non-committal shrug as to when they would be home, Jyrki left, kissing Laura in a similar manner to which Ville had me. I waited until the front door closed to raise an eyebrow in question at her.

"Don't ask."

"Oh, I didn't plan on doing so, because I think I've got a good idea."

I walked into the kitchen, motioning for her to follow. I pulled out the fifth of margaritas that Ville bought for me and filled two large tumblers full of the delicious beverage, sticking them down on the small table. We sat down, and I lit up a djarum black, offering her one. Leaning back, I waited for her to start speaking.

"Jyrki's been acting differently lately…"

I took a drag off my cigarette. "How so?"

"He's become highly overprotective. I can't leave the apartment without him knowing where I am going, who I'm going to be with, and when I'm going to return. And that's when I'm lucky and he lets me out." She smoked her cigarette, a pensive look on her face. I drank a good amount of my drink before I spoke, considering my next words carefully.

"I know how you feel. Ville's been the same way lately. I've been tempted to knee him in the testicles more than once, but for some odd reason all of the things he does are rather endearing. As much as I don't want to admit it, they're doing all this because they care for us, and don't want us getting hurt again."

Laura just looked at me with a look of incredulity on her face. "I can't believe that just came from your mouth, Kaieyn. You, the one person I know who has the biggest problem with authority and being told what to do, justifying being kept as a pampered captive." I laughed and shrugged.

"We're in Finland, Laura. The last time we were here was when I kidnapped you the summer of your junior year and we spent ten days out here. Remember that? Tattoos, drinking, hanging with random bands that we knew were going to make it. And guess what? Who were the only two of those bands who made it? " She was beginning to laugh, as I intended.

"And guess what else? We're both involved with the lead singers of said bands, and I know for one that I'm in love with my man. I don't know about you, but I plan on doing whatever in the hell I possibly can to make sure that I absolutely stay with Ville for as long as I possibly can."

Laura looked down into her drink, staring at the swirls of curaco that were mixing with the green of the sweet and sour.

"So you really do love him Kaieyn?" I nodded my head. "Yeah. It's taken me forever to let him inside, but I can't help it. I love him more than I thought I could love someone, and it scares me a little."

She nodded. "I feel the same way about Jyrki. I think I've loved him since I first met him and we started hanging out. You know we've been seeing each other for several years now?"

I choked on my drink a little. "Excuse me?" She nodded. "Yeah, we've been sort of seeing each other for a couple of years casually now. I'd been meaning to tell you, but we sort of wanted to keep things quiet for a while."

I laughed, thoroughly amused. "That's awesome. Do the guys know?"

She shrugged. "I don't think so. You know how Jyrki is. All strong and silent, so…"

~~~~~The entire bottle of margaritas and half a bottle of finlandia later, we were sprawled across the floor of the living room giggling madly. We'd been regaling each other with kiss and tell stories of our lovers, something I was unfortunately wont to do when… drunk off my ass. It was going to be interesting to try and view Jyrki in the same light that I had before, with all my new knowledge from my Canadian friend. I had attempted to get up off the floor and stumble into the bedroom to pull out pj's, when there was a loud slamming noise, as if the door had been pushed open roughly. Grabbing the doorknob for support, I stepped out of the bedroom and peered cautiously around the frame. Sure enough, the entire gang quickly filled Ville's place, making it appear much smaller than it really was due to all the male testosterone covered in leather and metal. I laughed as I watched Jyrki grab Laura up off the ground and basically throw her onto the couch, going at her. Apparently we weren't the only ones completely toasted off our gourds. It was getting pretty serious, what with the fact that he now had her shirt completely off and was mauling her poor bra, all the guys sitting around and ignoring them non-chalantly, continuing the earlier conversation and drinking, not paying the porn scene happening not three feet away. I let it get to her bra being removed before I tapped him on the shoulder from where he was basically grinding against her.

"Hey, you two get a room. Use the spare one down the hall." He just turned to me and kissed me on the cheek, much to my surprise. As he fireman carried her down the hall, whooping a war cry the entire time, I touched my cheek in shock, and then screamed a little as hands descended over my eyes. I felt hot breath at my ear, and relaxed a little as I heard Ville's voice reassuring me that everything was all right. His arms slid down to my waist, holding me tight against his body. I laughed a little as sounds could be heard from the spare room, and walked towards the stereo system to start some random glam mix that Laura had burned for me. Ville grabbed my hand and led me towards the couch, sitting me down and placing a glass of Guinness in my hand. I laid my head on his shoulder, listening to the conversations going on around us about the concert and future plans the two bands had. Ville dragged me onto his lap and snuck his hand up my shirt and began to play with my navel piercing, something he'd been doing since I got the thing a few weeks ago. I feel asleep in his arms, lulled by the alcohol in my system.

VILLE'S POV:

We stumbled into the apartment, and Jyrki was on top of Laura in an instant. I laughed, and looked around for Kaieyn. She was pale, a good indicator that she was tanked. After she sent Jyrki and Laura on their way, I snuck up behind her and savored the feel of her in my arms. We moved to the couch and she slowly fell asleep in my arms, her breathing becoming soft and even. I held her even tighter, loving the fact that she was so soft when she was asleep… and noticed Jussi and Rane laughing at how I was mooning over a girl. Again. I just casually flipped them off, and moved to stand, adjusting Kaieyn's weight so I could carry her off to bed. She hadn't been sleeping well as of late, and it was beginning to worry me. Not to mention her alcohol consumption. It seemed as though she were attempting to run from something, and it hurt like hell that she refused to tell me what was wrong.

I laid her down on the bed, carefully removing her clothing so she was clad in her t-shirt and underwear and then laid down next to her, pulling the comforter over us. The other guys would either crash in the living room or wander home, like they always did. All that mattered at this moment was that I had my little cat next to me, safe and sound like it was meant to be. I gathered her close, and fell asleep as well.

Kaieyn'S POV-

Waking up, I slowly acclimated to my surroundings and looked to my side, smiling as I saw Ville sprawled across his side of the bed, looking like an innocent little kid like he always did when he was asleep. I leaned over and played with his curls for a moment, and then laid back down on the pillow as a wave of nausea came over me. I was getting worried at the condition my health was in. I sincerely wished that I could hide it from Ville…

He stirred beside me, and I looked over into his beautiful eyes. They crinkled up as he smiled and pulled my body closer to his own, fitting us together. I smiled as he began stroking my hair as he held me tightly to his chest, almost cradling me in his arms. Sunlight streamed into the bedroom from behind the thin curtains, and I was almost ready to cry at the simple beauty of it all.

Most people think that being the significant other of a rockstar is a stream of late night parties, drinking, drugs, and the rest of the things that come with the job title. Sure there were those moments, but for the most part, we were rather normal in all respects. I say this because a half hour later, Ville was laying on the couch, reading the newspaper while I did my thing in the kitchen, cooking breakfast, something that I really rarely did, being the type that doesn't eat until noon mostly. I was flipping pancakes on the griddle when Ville sidled up behind me and grabbed me by the waist, causing a near food fight. The sound of a husky voice clearing its throat made us stop, and I looked up from under my fringe of bangs at Laura and Jyrki. Oh shit, I'd forgotten that they'd spent the evening carousing in their own way in the spare room. Ville chose that moment to start ticking me, and I fell to the floor in mindless peals of laughter. Laura started giggling too.

When our composure was finally regained, I set four plates of food in front of four starving people, and we dug in. Again, Ville and Jyrki were talking shop while Laura whispered small comments about their evening to me, causing even me to blush. Ville noticed and grabbed my hand, stroking it and smiling knowingly. I took that moment to excuse myself from the table and refill my coffee mug with like my eighth cup straight that morning. I looked into the canister of my chicory coffee and noticed that it was nearly empty. Damn. And I was pretty sure that there weren't many markets in Helsinki that would have chicory coffee, a specialty from New Orleans, in stock. I poked my head around the door.

"Hey Ville, are we returning to the states any time soon?"

"Next week love. Why do you ask?"

I blushed red a little bit. "I'm out of coffee."

The next several days went by smoothly enough. The guys played several shows, and Laura and I were in attendance for those. Ville's voice was amazing every time I heard it, and I spent most of the time simply entranced in his words. Especially when he would sing Wicked Game… his eyes always managed to lock onto mine as he sang the words…

"World was on fire, no one could save me but you…"

It was our last evening in Helsinki, and we were all lounging about backstage of the venue, smoking cigarettes and drinking per custom. Jussi had a pretty brunette with him, and they were busy flirting and doing their thing. Laura was sitting in a chair with Jyrki at her feet, running her hands through his hair. I was sitting on this couch/sofa thing, drinking a vodka/seven up, listening to the chatter of the people around me… and Ville? Well, he was nowhere to be found. This was more than slightly disconcerting to me, as he normally was worried sick if I wasn't at his side at a place like this. I scanned the hallway leading to the backstage area fervently, hoping to see him any moment now. Apparently his absence wasn't affecting anyone else, for they continued drinking and carousing for the better part of forty minutes before anything was said. I was lighting up my fifth clove when the words came out of Jussi's mouth.

"Where is Ville? He's late again."

His word choice intrigued me a little bit. How could one be late lounging around after a show? Apparently my concern was written visibly across my face, for the next thing I knew, I was being enveloped in a large dog pile. This isn't all that pleasant when the pile-ees are grown men who are severely intoxicated, have just played a two hour set, and are wearing leather. I love them all dearly, but that is almost crossing the line of affection. I was face down, so I was able to notice a pair of familiar looking feet when they entered the room. Quickly, everyone disengaged themselves from the child-like revelry in squishing a diminutive woman, and Ville's hand reached down to help me up into my chair… But instead of sitting down next to me or the like, he was kneeling in front of me. I was really confused… Especially when he took my hand.

"Kaieyn… You're the most amazing person I've ever known. Since the day that I met you at Bam's, I've been completely and irrevocably entranced by your beauty, inside and out. Every day I spend with you, I fall in love with you even more. And I want to make sure those days last forever…" I was beginning to cry.

"Love, what I'm trying to say is, will you marry me?" He held a burgundy velvet box out to me, and inside was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. I threw my arms around his neck, whispering "yes", over and over again. Around us, our friends clapped and cheered as Ville took the ring from the box and slid it onto my finger, marking me as his.

A week and a half later, I was at home again, alone. Ville promised me that he would be back from the tail end of their tour in a few weeks, but I still felt lonely. I had called all of my family back in Denver to let them know that Ville and I were engaged, and of course that culminated in having to promise that we would come out and visit as soon as he returned from being on tour. I'd been keeping busy doing a little consulting and working on pieces for my gallery show that was coming up in a month. I smiled, remembering the tone of Ville's voice when I'd told him about the show. He was so supportive.

The most annoying part by far though, was the media attention. We had thought that by returning to the states, some of the attention would be off our engagement, but unfortunately, no such luck. I could barely walk out of my loft without some photographer recognizing me and sticking either a camera or a microphone in my face. Laura, who was on tour with the guys, and I would laugh about the fact they were probably going through the trash for any piece of intrigue. I missed my best friend, but I envied her at the same time. She was brave enough to throw all caution to the wind and run off with Jyrki. It's not that I had to work- Ville had made that clear to me. But I felt a certain sense of self-worth by continuing with my life's passion on my own. Not to mention being capable of showering everyday…

Lost in thought, I managed to almost burn myself on the filter of my cigarette. I'd been smoking a lot more as of late. Reaching into the pack, I realized that I was completely out and would have to run to the store in order to fetch more. Damnit… Grabbing my keys, I muttered several innovative swearwords, and made my way down onto the busy sidewalk towards my Lexus. I was almost to the car when a man rudely bumped into me, knocking me flat on my ass. I was ready to jump up and beat the tar out of him when I felt another person helping me to my feet. I was about to thank them for helping me when they said something that made my blood turn to ice.

"He knows where you are Kaieyn."

I stood there in abject shock, having to take a moment before being capable of moving. When I did, there was no strange man in sight. Only an elderly woman walking her dog. Hand to my chest, I leaned against my car for support, and started breathing heavily until the spots in my vision began to dissipate. I definitely needed a cigarette now.

After returning from the corner store, I locked myself in my house tight, hoping the locks would keep out whoever "He" was. I chain smoked, touching the scar at my neck and shivering. I'd taken two vicodin and was drinking vodka, all in attempts to deny reality. I was adrift in a sea of thought when the phone rang, and that made me jump almost a foot off the couch. I scrambled from my new position on the floor to retrieve the handset. Hearing Ville talk calmed my nerves somewhat immediately.

"Hei lempiä…"

"Hei to yourself." I closed my eyes and hoped to god that he couldn't hear the shakiness in my voice. We began talking about the tour and their antics, when they were going to be home, mundane things like that. About thirty minutes later, when we were getting ready to leave, he asked the question.

"Kat, what is wrong? And I swear if you tell me nothing…"

I played with the string of beads at my neck, looking down and trying to find the words to say to him.

"I fell outside today, and someone helped me up. I thought it was just a random occurrence until they said something to me."

I could hear Ville's tone changing. "What did they say to you love?"

"Something to the effect of 'he knows where you are' "

There was silence on the other end of the line, and I thought he'd hung up until I could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line.

"I'm coming home."

"Ville? No. You have the rest of your tour to complete. Your fans need you sweetheart. I'll be fine. I can hire a bodyguard or something…"

He cut me off. "No Kai, I'm coming home. This is serious. You've already been attacked once; I don't care to think about what will happen to you this time."

Ten days later, I was in the midst of cleaning up my loft when there was a loud banging at the door. Sure enough when I opened it, there revealed was my fiancée, Jussi, Jyrki, and Laura. Everyone else barreled past Ville and I, who took the moment to back me against the wall and kiss me soundly and properly… for the better part of a few minutes. Before I knew it, instead of being able to greet all of my guests properly, Ville had me in his arms bridal-style and was carrying me to our bedroom, kicking the door shut and blocking out the catcalls from the rest of the gang. I was embarrassed at first before he began distracting me with his talented mouth, lying me down on the thick comforter and enveloping my body with his own.

I moaned at the sensation of his lips on my own after so long. The scrape of his whiskers excited me even further, as he made his way down my neck, pinning my arms above my head as he bit the side hard, sucking and leaving a dark hickey on the side. Rising up, he made short work of my dress, cursing in Finnish at having to fumble with the clasp of my bra. Soon, I was nude beneath my Finnish sex god…

Several hours later, I was cuddled up to Ville, enjoying the sensation of having my lover home after what seemed like an eternity…

He was drawing lazy circles over the skin of my shoulder, his breathing matching my own, slow and even for once. For the first time since we'd had our phone discussion about what had happened, I felt at peace, safe and sane. So of course he took that moment to bring up the topic again. Men.

"Have you had anything else happen since we talked Kaieyn?"

I shifted so I was on my side, looking up into his eyes. "No…"

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and actually shifted and got out of bed. Hurt, I drew the sheet to my chest and looked up at him as he sighed and moved to get dressed.

"Where are you going?"

He sighed and stopped buckling his belt for a moment. "Out. I'm going out with the guys for a few hours. You obviously don't want to let me in, so…"

I was completely appalled. "Ville, that's not the case at all! Nothing has happened since you last called and we talked, that's all!" A wave of shakiness overcame me and I almost fell attempting to stand. "I don't know what's suddenly gotten into you, but please know that I'm telling you the truth. There hasn't been anything since." I put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to get him to face me. He slowly turned around, head down and eyes downcast. I ran my hand down his cheek, coaxing him to look at me.

"Ville, I love you. I wouldn't lie to you about anything, much less something important like this." He moved his face to fit in my palm more securely, and then to rest his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him to me in a way. We stayed like that for some time, letting the stresses and disappointments of the past weeks flow between us without words, comforting and helping heal. He pulled away first, brushing a lock of hair from my eyes.

I sighed. "You're still going out drinking with the guys, aren't you?" He kissed me.

"I don't have to if you don't want me to love." I thought about it for a minute, and then shook my head. "No, I'm sure I'll be fine here on my own. Laura and I can stay in and plan the meticulous details of the wedding." I stuck my tongue out at him, and it took him a moment to realize that I was just teasing him, not being serious. Well, that serious. "Geez, you Finns take everything way too seriously."

After Ville and the guys took off, that left Laura and me to our own devices. Quite the scary predicament in all actuality. We turned on the stereo, grabbed a few beers, and laid on the floor of the living room, bride magazines spread out everywhere. I was scared shitless. Not only was this the first time in my life that I'd co-habituated with another individual, but I was getting married to said person also. Till death do us part, pardon the pun. I'd told Laura of my fears, but she kept assuring me that everything was going to be fine. A little difficult to be able to handle, you know?

I know it may all seem fairy tales and happiness, but I was downright afraid of being married. Up until this point I'd been the single carefree one, no attachments to men in a romantic manner. After Vico, I didn't think that I could handle the emotional burden of another person. Not only was I going to live with Ville the rest of my life, I also had to contend with the affections of countless numbers of other people, many of them interceding into his life on a daily basis. Was I going to be good enough for him in five years? We're talking major Finnish sex god here, a world-renowned rock star. I'd been plagued with self doubt the last week or so.

Laura nudged my shoulder, knocking me out of my dark reverie.

"Where do you keep heading off to Kai?"

She was flipping through the pages of a dress magazine. The more and more we looked at the damned books, the more and more enticing the thought of a quickie Vegas wedding was getting. I was worried that I was even going to get cold feet. Oh well, at least my mother still was in Denver. Since I'd been little she'd had these grandiose ideas of planning my wedding. Something told me that she wasn't going to be altogether too happy when she found out she didn't get to plan the entire thing.

"What? Oh, nowhere. Just having those damned niggling thoughts again." I reached behind me to the coffee table where my cigarettes were laying, and lit one up, thinking pensively as I inhaled the first drag. Well, at least being married didn't mean that I was going to have to give up any of my vices. Ville shared most of them and more. I focused my attention to the matter at hand again, which included picking a venue, what type of dress I wanted, so on and so forth. My hat was off to those individuals who planned these things for a living. I felt like I was back in one of my confusing classes from hell, not knowing where to even begin.

Several hours later, after becoming completely overwhelmed with the aspects of the huge event that I was going to be undertaking over the next several months, Laura excused herself to join the guys at the bar. I made some lame excuse about having to stay behind and continue to plan out some aspects of the wedding. In all actuality I was depressed beyond imagination. I didn't feel good enough for Ville. I wasn't some stick thin Scandinavian model. I was a dark, average looking Hispanic girl from the states. Made me wonder why in the hell Ville was with me, in all actuality. Musing upon this, I headed towards the shower, stripping off the black hoodie and pants that I had on, running a hand through my tousled hair. As the water coursed down hot on my sensitive skin, I mused about how much my life had changed. God knows that I hadn't been bored at all, that's for certain.

I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair when I heard a shattering noise. I froze, panicking. What in the hell was going on? The blood in my veins turned to ice as I heard the sound of heavy footsteps on the hardwood floors of the living room. Someone was in the house. I quickly turned the shower off and grabbed a towel, wrapping it about my body. I was incapable of taking in a full breath due to the adrenaline rush I had going on. Frantically, I looked around for anything I could possibly do to protect myself.

Luck was on my side, for there was a window with a fire escape. Part of me wanted to laugh for the hilarity of basically being in a situation like those in the movies, but luckily the part which wanted to survive to see Ville again won over. I quietly slipped back into the clothing I had on before I had gotten into the shower, and moved towards the window, praying to whatever higher power that I could get it open quietly. I hefted the frame up gently, opening it just enough so that I was able to slip out carefully. Just in time too, for as soon as I got though the narrow gap, the door to the bathroom burst open wildly and a large figure flew at the window, and I screamed as I ran down the fire escape, narrowly avoiding falling and breaking my neck more than once in my adrenaline-fueled flight. It's a little hard to be graceful when there's somebody shooting at you blindly. Somehow I managed to be capable of making it to the end of the route and to jump the last few feet to the ground, running as quickly as I could to the nearest street corner, which I knew would be full of people at this time. I jumped into the nearest waiting cab, and gave the cabbie directions to the bar that I knew the guys would be at.

Sure enough, as I paid the man and stepped out into the cool air, I could hear Ville's laugher resonating from the back patio of the bar. I quickly made my way around to where the four of them were sitting, drinking beer. Ville looked up at me, surprise in his eyes as to my sudden appearance. He pulled a chair up the table for me, and I sat down next to him, still trying to force air into my lungs. The left side of my body started shaking again. Laura's face reflected the way I felt, looking more and more concerned by the second. She was the first to speak.

"Kai, what's wrong?"

I grabbed Ville's Guinness and took a pull before being capable of telling them the story. Jyrki and Jussi looked pissed off as soon as I was done recounting the tale. Ville just pulled me from my chair and onto his own, holding me close, shaking himself. I couldn't tell if it were from fear or fury.

"Have you called the police yet love?" Jyrki's was the voice of reason. I shook my head no. "I just booked it here. Honest to God it's only been about ten minutes since this all happened." I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Well, we need to fill out a police report darling, and then see about checking into a hotel for the evening. Is that alright with you?"

"It's not like I have much choice otherwise Ville."

___________________________________________________________________

Later that evening, we were entering the hotel corridor of the suite Ville had secured for us. He carried our bags in while I followed with the necessities- AKA, vodka and Red Bull, Chick Fil A, and cigarettes. Gotta love traveling light. I was still paranoid from the events of the afternoon, and it showed. I jumped at every noise made by the most mundane things. Ville had noticed, and was doing his damnedest to keep my mind off things. He'd reassured me about a million times that nobody other than our friends knew where we were staying, and that the police were scanning the apartment for any evidence, fingerprints or the like. Not that anything was going to make me calm and peaceful after what had happened, but I appreciated the effort. We settled in, and Ville mixed himself a drink while I stood out on the balcony, smoking yet another clove. He tossed me a can of Red Bull as he joined me outside, and we just stood there, side by side, not speaking. Companionable silence is a strange but amazing thing. We'd spent the afternoon down at the police station, filing a report and being questioned. The cops were elated to have a high profile case that didn't involve Bam for once. Tired and exhausted afterwards we hit a liquor store and grabbed fast food, Ville called Bam to rent a hotel under an assumed name, and we were on our way here. I was still trying to coax my body into not having a heart attack.

The city below us was moving at it's fast pace, as usual. Far as it was concerned, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Life goes on. I wished that I could have that mentality. The events of the day had affected me far more than I thought was possible. I'd smoked my clove down to the filter, so I threw the butt down the several stories, watching it flutter out of sight. Ville wrapped an arm about me and lead me into the bedroom, sitting me down on the soft comforter. I laid back and watched him take off his shirt and pants, leaving him clad in his boxers. I doffed my clothing similarly and crawled underneath the blankets with him, his body wrapping about mine as if seeking warmth. Sleep followed shortly thereafter.

When I woke up the next morning, Ville was still out cold. I threw on a robe, and walked over to the coffee maker and flipped the switch for it to begin the brew cycle. Funny thing was, even though there was so much negativity in everything that had been happening lately, it felt like it all were some distant dream, not reality. I poured a cup as soon as the brewer turned itself off, and grabbed my cell, checking messages. Ville woke up shortly thereafter, padding into the adjoining living room of the suite and sitting down next to me on the couch, jacking the mug of caffeine from my hands. I flipped my phone shut and sighed, leaning back into the supple leather of the couch. Ville just looked over at me quizzically.

"That was a friend of mine. I called him last night, and he's offered to let us stay in his cabin until all this blows over." I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"So where is this cabin then love?" He finished off the coffee left in the mug.

"Oh, only about an hour drive from here. Do you want to do it?" he nodded. "Anything that's going to keep you safe from those crazy assholes."

I had a doctor's appointment the next day, before we were going to head out to the cabin. I wanted to cancel it, but Ville insisted that I go.

"We're going to be out of contact with anyone for a week Kaieyn. We can't afford to have you pass out or anything." I begrudgingly agreed, and two hours later found myself sitting in the waiting room with Jussi, since Ville had to run and take care of all the little details before our departure. He wouldn't let me go anywhere without a bodyguard so to speak, so that's how I had our little drummer boy for company. I made a face at him while we sat in the sterile, stereotypical little room that held patients like lambs before slaughter. I was tired of the same old song and dance. One doctor not finding the problem, shuffling you off to yet another. Tedious in the extreme. I had a psychology teacher tell me once that through the course of a year, most patients develop a kind of bond with their physicians. I just laughed myself silly during his lecture. The nurse finally called my name, same old walk down the hall to the exam room, blood pressure cuff, thermometer, the whole shebang. Jussi just sat in the small visitor chair next to the exam table and looked around, bemused. The doctor came in a short time later, chart in hand. She explained that they could find no reason this time for why I was ill, but that she wanted to run another round of tests. Anger and frustration filled my veins, and yet all I could do was silently nod at what she was telling me. She left after a few minutes, another nurse coming in a short time later lugging the blood supplies. I'm a horrible draw, and most of the time it takes multiple tries for the phlebotomist to be able to hit a vein, much less get an adequate supply to run tests on. As was the norm, it took this nurse several tries and a half hour to draw the prerequisite two vials.

Afterwards, Jussi and I hit a bar to calm both our frayed nerves. Old Chicago had decent food for being a chain restaurant, and the beer was cold. A pitcher between us and a plate of their pizza rollups, I expressed my fears about getting married to my friend. "I'm sick Jussi. It may not be a horrible, life-threatening illness, but it's something I'm going to be dealing with for the rest of my life, nonetheless. Ville's a rockstar. He travels around in the circles that you and Jyrki do. Not to sound cliché, but it's the whole, 'women want him, men want to be him' adage. A lot of the time I don't think that I'm good enough for him. All I'm talented in is drawing pictures." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. Jussi just looked at me sympathetically and took my hand. "Everything is going to be fine Kaieyn. Ville loves you. Anyone can see that. It's why he chose you over all those other girls. And to be quite frank, you're a hell of a lot better than most of those other women he's dated. You actually have a soul". That made me laugh, and lightened the burden a little bit for me.

By the time we reached the hotel room, I was feeling no pain from the medication the doctor had put me on. Jussi had to guide me back upstairs. He tucked me into one of the beds while we waited for Ville to come back from whatever errand he'd gone out on, then sat next to me and flipped the TV on while I dozed. The hotel door cracked about an hour later and I could hear the familiar rumble of my fiancés voice conversing with Jussi's in Finnish. A hand gently rubbed back and forth on my shoulder, and a beautiful face came into my line of vision, making me smile. I scooted over a little on the bed to make room for him to sit, and he gently ran his hand though my hair, making me purr almost. My skin was highly sensitive, and his touch felt so good being as cold as it was. He was dressed in a pair of Versace jeans and a maroon button-down satin shirt, and all I wanted was for him to get naked and lay down in bed next to me. Odd thought I know to pop suddenly out of the blue, but he seemed to read my mind for he made some excuse to Jussi which caused him to leave, not before sharing a knowing grin with my lover. I closed my eyes for a moment only to pop them open at the sensation of my body being pulled to the center of the mattress, the silky sheets following me. Ville crawled on top of me carefully, bracing his weight on his legs and arms. As he ran his hand down the side of my face, I moved into his palm, looking up into his eyes. His lips descended upon mine, moving languorously at first, taking his time, building everything up. I moaned underneath him, my body undulating to its own rhythm…

I woke up several hours later, late in the night. I was filled with some sort of anxiety that I just couldn't shake. Looking down, I saw that Ville was still asleep peacefully. Checking the clock, I distantly noted that we still had hours to go before getting up to leave for the cabin. I sighed, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I'd been having horrible nightmares the last few weeks. Ville and I had been talking about it- he thought that it was most likely symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. As the last of the nightmare's residual images faded away, I hugged my arms to my body. I couldn't sit still. Every time I would try to lie back down on the bed, I would fill with a sense of anger and anxiety. Finally, I just got up out of the bed and threw a robe on. I had to get out of the room. I felt as though I were suffocating. It was three in the morning, so it wasn't like there was much to be able to do, but at least being out of the small, confined space would help. I opened the door and began to walk down the hall of the hotel, trying to work out the kinks in my shoulders. The halls were illuminated dimly, making me more uneasy. The more I walked, the more the pain in my chest got tighter. I sat down on the floor of the hallway, getting dizzy. I leaned my head against the hardness of the wall behind me, reveling in the coolness of the surface. Suddenly, tears began to fall down my face. Everything that had been repressed came to head, and I just cried silently. I was there for about five minutes before I heard a noise that scared the shit out of me. I looked up sharply, and saw the end of someone's coat trailing along the edge of the far corner of the hallway. Fear gripped me yet again, and I swiftly walked back to the hotel room and entered the room like a bat out of hell. I stumbled in and viciously attacked the mini bar. I'd downed several shots before Ville woke up, startled.

"Kaieyn, what in the hell is going on?" He slurred, still half asleep.

"Scary… man… in the hall." Was all I managed to get out before cracking the seal on another shot of Tuaca and downing it. I'd begun to hyperventilate. Ville got out of bed to come to my side, but by that time I'd barricaded myself in the bathroom, the alcohol hitting my system. I sat on the floor of the shower, cradling myself, rocking back and forth. Adrenaline pounded through my system, along with the alcohol, making me feel exceedingly strange.

I woke up a few hours later, coming back to consciousness slowly. Gingerly, I pulled myself up off the hard porcelain of the shower floor, and hobbled to the bathroom door. Opening it, I saw that Ville had fallen asleep against the wall across the way, waiting for me. Guilt seeped its way into me, and I bent down over him and ran my hand across his face to rouse him. Green eyes stared at me unfocused for a moment.

"Kaieyn? Are you all right?"

I smiled a bit to reassure him. "I'm fine sweetheart. I'm sorry I did this to you."

He accepted the hand I'd reached out to help him up, and together we walked to the bed. He lay down and I did the same, resting my head on his chest. Ville began to draw lazy circles on my back, talking to me.

"What happened last night sweetheart?'

"Oh that? I was just wound up and thought I saw someone in the hall. Messed with my mind, that's all." I began to doze under his touch.

"I wish you wouldn't have drank so much, much less lock yourself in the bathroom. I was really worried about you love."

I leaned up to kiss him on the lips in silent apology.

A few hours later, we were packed again and ready to travel to the cabin. Five days of lying low and relaxing. I hoped. Ville grabbed my hand, rousing me out of my reverie. The car came into focus, and he gently guided me towards it.

I fell asleep in the car not long after we'd headed out. Ville had handed me the teddy bear that I kept for comfort when he was not with me, and I fell asleep with it wrapped up in my arms, leaning against him in the backseat of the car. Ville gently roused me when we'd reached our destination, a small cabin built in the woods. To my eyes, it was perfect. I could tell that Ville was enjoying it as well. Five days of peace and reverie away from other people, and the threats that were building up. He helped me out of the car when it came to a stop outside of the cabin, and we just stood there, hand in hand staring out at our surroundings. He snapped out of it first, and shook my hand a little to get me to follow him and grab our bags and enter the home.

The inside of the cabin was nice and quaint. Done up rustically, it was completely perfect for what we needed. I laughed a bit and grabbed Ville by the hand to go check out the rest of the place, feeling like a child again. The master bedroom was gorgeous, done in navy blue and black, with a gorgeous view of the mountains outside the window. It was exactly what we needed for a week.

Ville walked out of the room and retrieved our bags, beginning to unpack things as I lounged on the bed, rolling around a bit and watching him.

"Brat." He threw a shirt at me to emphasize his point.

"What? I'm too lazy to do anything. Lack of sleep makes it difficult to concentrate on anything, much less actually attempt to do anything." I rolled over again on the bed, narrowly missing my head on the thick headboard. The CD player was resting on the damned thing, so I flicked the "on" switch, and the room was flooded with the sounds of Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife". I started laughing when Ville groaned and rolled his eyes in mock distaste.

"What? I'm sorry I'm not always into dark, depressing music." I rolled off the bed and started dancing towards him, giggling a little when he grabbed me and started dancing along too, holding me close, then spinning me away from him. It felt so good to be doing something relatively normal for a change. Ville was a pretty darn fine dancer, and it only got better when he started singing along to the song. I had to sit down when the song was over, I was laughing so hard. He leaned against the doorframe and smiled down at me.

"Where'd that come from Mr.?"

He just shrugged.

"Ville, what do you want for dinner?" It was several hours later, and I was tinkering around in the kitchen while he sat in the small living room, drinking a Red Bull and doing his thing on the guitar.

"Doesn't matter to me love." I began to grumble under my breath. Figures. A man with no decisive capabilities. I put my headphones on, turning my Ipod onto Frank Sinatra and began to throw together a pasta dinner from the stuff we'd brought with us. Thank god at least one of us was capable of cooking. I don't think it would be a very attractive thing to have two people starve for lack of ability. Everything came together about ten minutes later, and I served it up in two bowls, smacking Ville lightly on the head with his fork to drag him out of his artist mode. We ate in companionable silence, enjoying the peace and quiet that we weren't afforded anywhere else. Afterwards, we just lounged around for a few hours, relaxing from everything.

I fell asleep there shortly after he wrapped his arms around me. My dreams were frantic and erratic, my stress manifesting itself. They involved reliving the traumatic events of the past few weeks, and also new visions, like that of myself on the edge of a cliff, torn between turning back into Ville's waiting arms, and then walking off the edge into seeming comfortable oblivion. I jolted awake, in a cold sweat. Ville, who had been dozing as well, jumped a little, automatically shifting into overprotective mode.

"Holy shit." I put a hand to my chest, breathing in deeply.

"Baby, you're fine." Ville tried to wrap an arm around me, but I'd had it. I stood up off the couch and began pacing.

"No, I'm not fucking fine! I'm not fucking sleeping, I'm goddamned paranoid everywhere I go, I'm tired of being sick, and this stupid stress is eating at me so bad I'm going to give myself a fucking ulcer! Nobody fucking understands how stressful it is! Life isn't some stupid bed of roses, like it's made out to be. If it's not one stupid thing, it's another, and it's driving me insane!" I was running my hands through my hair, almost pulling it out at the rise of my panic attack. I was angry. I wanted to get my hands on something, throw it, maybe punch a wall.

Anger and frustration were clawing at my throat, making tears spring to my eyes. I felt like a caged animal, with no way of consoling or reeling in any of my emotions. I'd reached my peak. I was tired of having to walk around like everything was just peachy. People not being there when I needed them most, or being there just telling me 'everything is okay'. It wasn't by far in my eyes. I wanted a full night's rest, for life to return to normal. Didn't seem to be happening any goddamned time soon.

"Look, I'm just going to go for a walk. I'm ready to just lose it if I have to sit still any longer." Before he could say anything, I opened the door to the cabin and walked out. While I walked, I rolled my hands, cracked the bones in my hands, anything to keep from going insane. I wanted a cigarette so badly, but I couldn't go back to the cabin. Some part of my brain kept telling that to me over and over. I didn't know if it was a pride thing or whatnot, but I just kept walking, taking in the cool air. A little ways past the cabin, the trees thinned out, and the stars above were absolutely breathtaking.

I had left my IPod in the pocket of my hoodie, so at least I had that for companionship. I popped the hold switch off, and put it on random. Irony struck when Bassboossa's version of "Wicked Game" began to play on the small earphones. My hand paused halfway from wanting to switch it to another song, but I just shrugged and kept walking, listening to the beautiful voice of the lead singer. For some odd reason, Wicked Game was the one song in my life I just couldn't tear myself away from. Would seem perfect that I was engaged to the guy who sung it better than anyone, didn't it? I was tearing myself up inside. I felt guilty throwing a fit and leaving, but I didn't know how things would go if I were to go back into the house. Instead, I found a rock that was large enough to lay down on, curled up, and watched the stars, hand clutching my music tight.

Sunlight hit my face, making me squint my eyes tight… and roll over into a solid object that yielded slightly, and was warm. I was only half awake still, so my body naturally rolled closer. Until my brain wanted to know where the hell I was. My eyes popped open at that, and it took a minute to discern that I was back in the cabin, in the bed with Ville at my side. I must had fallen asleep while outside, and he'd come to find me. I knew my back was silently thanking him. He looked so handsome while he slept, and my heart filled with love. I curled up around him tight, cocooning us both in the vast amount of feather comforter that covered us. His arms reached around to wrap me up, pulling me close to his bare chest, where he began kissing my ear gently. Heaven was in his arms. I felt so safe and secure, and all the pain and hardship began to melt away with that realization.

Alcohol is a part of my life. I don't make that statement in a negative connotation, or in any way to make someone assume I'm trying to assure myself that I'm an alcoholic who is not in control of their situation. I just grew up around it. I don't think my father went a day of my life without drinking at least one beer, my mother liked champagne, and various other relatives all had their beverages of choice. Only natural that when I came of age (14), that it be a part of my own existence. Days after work, crack a beer. A vicodin chaser? That came later on, when my health problems started and there wasn't anything else to wash the pills down with. I'm not kidding when I say there were times that there wasn't anything else to drink in the house other than a twelve pack of beer. It was just in higher demand than soda. There's only a handful of medications that will really cause you severe harm if you mix them with alcohol. I digress, though…

It was the last few hours before we had to head back to the city. Ville had to get back in the studio with the guys, and I had a lunch date with Laura and Jyrki later on that afternoon. I was sitting on the couch, drinking a Coors Light and eating a pack of saltine crackers while Ville stuffed the last of his things into a suitcase. I wanted a cigarette quite badly but unfortunately, there were none to be had this far out in the wilderness. The car was due to come around and collect us at noon. I threw my head back and looked at the clock that was hanging on one of the walls. Ten o'clock. I was normally not out of bed at this time. I was wearing casual black pants, a tee-shirt pulled out of a random drawer, and had freshly dyed bright red hair. You most likely don't care about the details of my appearance, but hey, a girl has to have her moments. Ville sat on the couch next to me playing some handheld Tetris game that we'd purchased months before and somehow ended up in the cavernous pockets of my purse. I sighed, threw the packet of crackers to the table, and looked over to him.

"Whatcha thinking?"

My comment seemed to jar him out of his Tetris-y reverie , and he looked over at me, bemused.

"What I am thinking about love, is how impatient you are, even for things you don't really look forward to. And what number beer is that, anyways?"

I tried to look less sheepish than I felt. "Three? Or four. I can't remember when the cans all look the same."

"Well, at least you aren't the one driving this time. We don't need another debacle like the last time." To that I merely stuck my tongue out at him, when we heard the horn blaring outside, signifying the arrival of our friends come to collect us. I sighed.

"Back to the real world."

We stopped at a dive bar on the way back. Jyrki and Laura had met and picked us up, and when we were about an hour into the drive, I complained that I was thirsty. They also served food, so we all ordered some breakfast along with our beers. It was nice to be able to see our friends again after what seemed like forever, and they were so different around each other than we both remembered. Jyrki was openly affectionate with her, and it honestly took a while to be used to it. She looked a lot better than she did the last time that we saw each other. After we ate, it only took me a few minutes to have to be sick and throw it all up again, so I ran to the bathroom and began the process of the dry heaves. Laura slipped in after me and handed me a cold paper towel. I smiled and accepted it.

"You doing all right?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I think I just ate something bad." We stayed there in the small bathroom for a few more minutes before going back to the table. Ville smiled warmly at me.

"Everything okay sweetheart?" I nodded, and leaned into his embrace. "So, what are we going to do about our safety?"

"Well, I was thinking that if you guys were to go out on tour, then I could enroll back in classes at home. That way, you could promote your music and I can stay low-key. I can move in with my family for a few months, just to be safe. Besides, that way my mom can help me plan the wedding like she's always been bothering me to do." Ville looked like he was deep in thought.

"Well, " he allowed," I guess I could talk to the rest of the guys about it. As long as we can be sure that you will be safe with your family darling."

Laura nudged Jyrki in the side with her elbow. "Why don't you guys go on tour also? I can tag along with Kai." I groaned.

"Again, I'd be scared to have to tag along on that tour bus."

Another stress-free week later (kidding) Laura and I were pulling into the driveway of my father's house. Before even pulling the keys out of the ignition, the front door burst open and out ran my little brothers. They ran to the car, yanking the trunk open and pulled our suitcases out.

"Dad, Kai's here!" B screamed. He hadn't changed since I'd seen him last. My dad was the next person out of the house, coming up to hug me and to say hello to Laura.

"Come on in, there's food on the stove." My brothers ran around us, giggling and lugging our bags while we walked up the pathway. We said hello to my stepmom, and patiently said hi to the veritable menagerie of animals my siblings had been collecting. My dad came out of the kitchen bearing two bowls of green chile and two bottles of beer. My stomach rolled a little bit.

"Dad, I think I need to test first."

"Sure, your meter is in the cabinet." I smiled and grabbed the small metal device, which was a hybrid glucose/iron meter. I took it into the bathroom, lanced my finger, and waited for the test results. B came in, curious. I pulled him up onto my lap to show him what the machine did. My levels were a little low, but nothing that should be too bad. I grabbed little man, and we rejoined Laura and my father in the living room, to eat in front of the television. My dad kept us company with idle chatter, asking us how things were going, approving of when I told him how I'd signed up for some coursework to keep busy during the duration of Ville's tour. Laura joked about how horrible it was going to be sitting in the lecture halls again. My back started to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to my old bedroom for a few hours. As I was turning down my bed sheets, my cell phone buzzed, and I smiled at the short video Ville sent me. It was nice knowing that he wasn't so far away. I turned off the lights, and drifted off for a little while.

We spent a few pleasant days with my family, shopping, eating and helping out around the house. My brothers were such a welcome distraction from the terror that I had been experiencing due to this damned stalker. We spent some time with my mother, which resulted in a lot of wedding planning. I didn't have a date set with Ville, but I guess things had to be done.

My classes were just as boring as ever, nothing to write home about there, except that I was entertaining another degree. Boredom for the masses. My anxiety was getting worse. None of the medication that my doctor had prescribed was helping at all. The irritability was the worst, when were out in crowds. Even people talking was enough to drive me insane, when all I craved was quiet. I would run all over campus just to find it, even if only for a few minutes. A month passed by quickly. Ville and the rest of the guys stopped by when the tour passed through. It was an interesting experience to have my father's house packed full of big Finnish guys in leather. Eating pizza, nonetheless. But life is all about rolling with the punches, right? I took Ville to dinner at a little local dive, which was our first alone time in over that aforementioned month. Of course he was recognized, but he graciously signed autographs for all the young tykes while we ate. I leaned over the table and whispered to him, "You know, it could be worse." He snagged me by the low-slung top I wore, and breathed into my ear, "You owe me big time then sweetheart".

I just giggled and leaned back into my chair. "Nuh uh mister. I'm staying under my dad's roof. And you know that means no misbehaving."

He pouted. "Can't we go back to the hotel? I can make everyone disappear, even if just for an hour."

"And just what do you suppose we do about Bob? I'm afraid for his safety when B's around." Ville's rich laughter filled the air.

"That's true. Remember what happened the last time I spent the night at your house?"

"Who could forget? You had to wear your beanie for months after that debacle."

In the end, Ville won out. After placing a call to my dad inquiring about Bob's well-being, it was a mad dash for the hotel. Thank god it wasn't far away. We acted like good, responsible adults until we reached the door, but after that it was anybody's game. He had me pinned up against the door in a flash. His hand snaked its way up my blouse, fumbling with the clasp of my strapless bra. With his free hand he tangled with my black hair, leaning in and kissing me hard. On my part, I was making soft whimpers of assent, urging him on. It felt like heaven. It had been too long. It… was being watched by an elderly man across the way, his mouth agape. I laughed, and pushed at Ville's chest.

"We have company darling." He blushed bright red. I reached into his pocket and extracted the room key, giggling. The man was shaking his head.

"I didn't see that even in my good old days of being a soldier…" His words were cut off by the door clicking shut. Ville was still blushing, and I giggling. What a night it was, indeed…

The pain in my shoulders was horrible. I hadn't been able to sleep through the night in over a month, had to rely on a constant supply of prescription medications to function. Because of that, I gave up on all the little things that I'd been good at sacrificing before. I'd buy high-powered energy drinks and chug them in the car, caffeine supplements, carried a jeweled case full of different levels of painkillers and swallowed Xanax by the handful. My patience was thin, my temper even shorter. I didn't have long each evening to talk to Ville on the phone before being incapable to mask the pain. I'd smile, more a bearing of my teeth, and say I had to go. I would cry in my bed at night, sometimes spurring my little brother to creep into my room, one little pudgy hand clasped about the doorknob. He would creep across the carpet, toes navigating the warzone of clothing, shoes, books and medication bottles. His gravelly voice would call out my name, and I would dry my tears on the pillow, sniffle, and pull the covers down to let him crawl in bed with me. He was my human teddy bear. During those nights, I swear to god I watched the Jackass movies more than anybody humanly should. We would fall asleep together, my fingers clasped in his tiny little hands, his snores filling the air.

Jyrki came more and more often to visit Laura. Little B delighted in having the big scary Finn around. All the guys in the band adored the four-year old like a little brother. I don't know any other pre-kindergartener who owned a studded leather jacket. I came back from the store one day to find they had shaved my brother's hair into a Mohawk and were spiking it. I dropped my shopping bags on the carpet in pure shock. My father was going to kill me, so hyperventilation was next on the list. The guys were just laughing, and so was B. He smiled that crooked tooth grin at me and ran up to me, jumping into my arms, a squishy leather-clad midget. I started giggling, and all was well.

"Oy Kat, were very hungry. Can you cook something please?" Rane begged me. I smiled and nodded, walking out of the living room and into the adjoining kitchen. My dad had every cooking appliance known to man. It didn't take long to have tacos ready, and I grabbed Jussi to chop lettuce and tomatoes. I had just put the final plate on the table surrounding the tv area when Laura got off work. Jyrki snatched her up quickly, kissing her deeply. We all sat down to eat, laughing and drinking. B ran to my bedroom at my request, grabbing my case of pills, almost tripping in the process. I took a Soma and a Vicodin, and laid down while everyone cleaned up. Again, a strange world when big, tough, leather clad men are in the kitchen doing dishes and scouring pans. But hell, this was my world.

I drifted off to sleep watching a movie on TV. Everybody else was in the back room playing pool. My Soma was supposed to be an effective muscle relaxant, but all it did was make me tired. I vaguely remember Bazie coming in and covering me with a throw blanket. The sounds of balls clinking and low conversation lulled me into a relaxed slumber.

When I next awoke, it was to some random infomercial on the telly and a note on a ribbon around my wrist. A glass of apple juice and my pills for the evening rested on a TV tray within reach. I yawned, ran my hand through my hair and began to wonder where my toddler brother was. Shit! I almost flew off the couch, panicking. The note untied and rippled to the floor, reminding me. I unfolded the scrap of paper and calmed down at seeing Jyrki's familiar handwriting. Apparently they had gotten my dad's permission for B to spend the night at their hotel, since I was finally sleeping peacefully. I took the pills on the plate, washed them down and padded downstairs to my bedroom to lay down more comfortably. I turned the doorknob, and found my bed wasn't empty. Ville lay on his side, snoring lightly. I smiled, and pulled the covers down to crawl in. He roused at this activity, and turned to kiss me on the lips gently. I brushed my hand over his stubble.

"Hello stranger. How did you get in here?"

"Jyrki left the door unlocked. I had to sleep off a hangover and didn't want to do it in your parent's bed." I had to laugh at that.

"So you picked my dad's house?" He shrugged.

"Your dad let the rest of the guys in. I figured that if I keep things G-rated, then everything is okay."

I laughed, and took off my shirt to unhook my bra. Ville was happy to help. I slipped on my large Colorado Avalanche t-shirt and crawled into bed next to him, cuddling up to next to my fiancée.

"How are you feeling darling."

"I'm okay. It's been a little rough with all the stress. Being here is helping with the psychological issues, but the pain is worse. I can't eat very much without getting sick, or having to take five or six different medications. My brothers are making it easier. Doesn't hurt that the guys just absolutely love B. Jyrki and Laura absolutely dote on him." I sighed at feeling his fingers trace an idle pattern up and down my spine. I shivered. "Ville…" More tracing.

"Not doing anything I shouldn't love." His lips pressed a kiss to my neck.

"I feel like a teenager saying this, but what if my parents come home?"

"We're fine. They're out for the evening".

I woke up early the next day, sunlight flooding into my bedroom. Of course my Finnish prince was still out cold. I pulled myself out of bed and stretched, groaning at the pain that settled back into my muscles. I hobbled into the bathroom and pulled the cabinet door open, grimacing at the rows and rows of amber-yellow containers. I selected three, and swallowed a few. Little B burst into the bathroom while I was in the shower, hopping up on the toilet to brush his teeth, and play with his hair.

"Katie, Whatcha doin?" He yelled.

"I'm getting clean little man. Be kinda quiet, ok? Ville's sleeping."

There was a pause. "Will you make me an egg?"

All I could do was laugh.

Twenty minutes later, I was cooking fried eggs, cutting them into wedges, and covering the center with grape jelly. Laura and Jyrki emerged from the spare bedroom, fully dressed.

"Hey Kat. Where's the rest of your family?"

"Dad's working, so's Kim, and the boys are at football." Jyrki headed to the table and grabbed Little B off his chair.

"Good morning little man. What do you want to do today?"

B looked thoughtful for a moment. "Um… anything?" Jyrki laughed.

"Why don't we go to the park. Outside is beautiful."

I put plates in front of them. "Are you sure you want to be saddled with him? He can hang with Ville and me."

Jyrki shook his head. "I have no plans until later. He's fine with us." I nodded.

"Okay. But call if he becomes a pain." They dug into their food, Jyrki causing B to fall off his chair with laughter when he stole food off his plate, refusing to give it back. I turned to Laura.

"I don't think it will be long before there's little Jyrkis running about." She absently placed her hand on her abdomen.

Ville awoke a short time after they left, B walking hand in hand with them both. I was busy cleaning up the breakfast mess when he came up. He was wearing only a pair of jeans. He came up behind me, arms encircling my waist as I rinsed soap from the dishes.

"You should be resting sweetheart. You're going to be in pain if you exert yourself too much."

"Eh. It needs to be done. Are you guys going to be here tonight for the fire pit?"

"I think so. Our show isn't until tomorrow. Darling, you're bleeding."

Sure enough, when I looked down there was a cut on my palm. "I guess I am losing feeling in my arm more than I thought I was."

He turned me to face him and snatched a towel off the counter. Working swiftly, he wrapped my hand tight.

"Have you tested lately?" I shook my head. He swore, and yanked the cabinet door open, pulling out my meter. Using some of my blood from the cut, he tested me. Ten seconds later, the results popped up.

"You're running low Kat. Do we need to go to the hospital?" I shook my head again.

"I don't want to scare B. I'll be okay. I don't feel all that lightheaded." I could tell he wanted to argue with me, but I kissed him, cutting off his protest."Let's just wrap it up, ok? I'm fine, I promise."

He led me into the bathroom and did a fine job of taking care of my wound, wrapping it with care.

"There, all better." We went out and sat on the couch, and I laid my head down in his lap. I was tingly. He ran his hand through my hair.

"Where's B?"

"Oh, Jyrki and Laura took him to the park. Jyrki insisted. He adores the little tyke. I wouldn't be surprised if he and Laura had a baby soon."

"Do you want a baby?" The question hit me from left field so abruptly I almost choked.

"What?"

"Do you want a baby, or children?"

"I… I do. But I don't know if we even can. You're at the height of your career, and with all my health problems, I don't know if I can even get pregnant." I looked at him sadly. He looked crestfallen.

"I know darling. I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought that the idea would make you happy."

"I am happy Ville. Trust me, I am. You're my angel, and you've saved me in more ways than one."

We laid there for a little while, before little B burst through the door, Jyrki and Laura in tow. I noticed that Jyrki had a bloody nose.

"What happened?"

"It seems that when pushing you have to be careful." I got off the couch and went into the kitchen to get a cold washcloth and the special nosebleed medication we used for little B's severe nosebleeds.

"This is going to feel odd Jyrki." I rolled the applicator in the powder, and handed it to Laura, who then promptly stuck it up his nose. He gagged. B sat on his lap, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry."

Jyrki smiled and hugged him back. "It's okay little man."

I smiled at seeing that everything was okay.

"What do you guys want to do now that you're back?"

"Mountains!" B yelled. Ville laughed at his enthusiasm.

'Okay, We can go to the mountains, if that's okay with Laura and Jyrki." They both nodded yes.

"Wanna help me pack lunch?" He took my hand.

An hour later, we were all in the car, headed for a little part of the mountains that I knew like the back of my hand. I was driving, Ville riding shotgun, and the other three were in the back. It didn't take long to reach our destination. B hopped out of the car as soon as I put it in park and yanked the picnic basket out of the trunk. We all got out and walked to the crest of the hill, right by the brook. Jyrki helped me spread out the blanket, and then helped Laura sit, making sure she was okay. We spent a pleasant day in the spring. There was a shallow pond area that people could wade out into, and B coerced Ville and Jyrki to swim with him so in the next moments, Laura and I were treated to seeing our men stripped to their boxers, jumping into the water and playing with a toddler until their lips turned blue. We laughed so hard, until our stomachs hurt. It was about seven before we headed home. B fell asleep in his seat, snoring loudly.

Ville carried him into his bedroom when we got back. It warmed my heart to see him be so careful with a little guy. I followed him down the hall back into the living room where our friends were drinking soda and finishing up the pizza from the other night. It wasn't long after that when my parents came home, joining us in conversation. I sat back against Ville, suddenly tired from all the physical exertion of the day. He kissed my head and pushed me a little bit to head downstairs. I padded into our bedroom, and shut the door behind me, leaning my head against the solid wood pane. My chest was heaving and my heart was racing in my chest. Unfortunately, it was all over the sight of all the little bottles lined up in a row. I was sick of having to depend on them just for bare existence. I walked over, looked at myself in the mirror for a moment, and then with a huge sweep of my arm, threw them all across the room. Some of the lids weren't on tight enough, and pills scattered like confetti. I pulled the top drawer of the dresser open violently, and threw all those out too. Oddly enough, I wasn't emotional beyond that- no tears coursed down my face. It was almost robotic. Of course, all the noise I was making alerted Ville to what I was doing, and I wasn't surprised when my dad and Ville came in the room, sitting on the bed next to me. "Kai, what are you doing?" "Redecorating. I was tired of all the orange plastic"."So you decided to throw all your medicine across the room?" Ville looked at me like I was nuts."Yeah, pretty much." My dad was the next to speak. "Kai, how much vicodin have you taken?" "A couple thousand milligrams. Nothing out of the ordinary." I toed a couple of pills with my sandal, rolling them around over the carpet. Ville knelt down in front of me, holding my hands in his. "I know you're tired of all this. I'm weary too. But you need all of it to feel well angel. And we all have to do things we dont always want to. This is your burden, I'm afraid." He tilted my face up to meet his line of sight. "We all want to help you get over being sick. I promise." My dad headed upstairs after seeing that the mess was to be taken care of. We got on our hands and knees and picked up the scattered pharmecuticals. I was slightly cowed, and wanted to sort of disappear into someplace where I wasn't viewed as being crazy. Ville picked me up and tucked me into bed after everything was put to rights, climbing in beside me. He pulled me tight against him."Ville, I want a house." I had a tendency to want to talk about our future when I was heavily influenced by vicodin. "Sure darling. But where should we settle? We have to consider my family, your family, visas, and our careers."I huffed a bit. " I knew this was going to be difficult."He chuckled a bit. "My little cat, you're so impatient.""I'm just ready to move on with life. I'm twenty three. You know how sheltered my life was when I was younger. I want to have something to show for all my efforts now. I have two degrees, am adult, and am engaged. I just want to move forward now. I want to be Ms. Valo, have little Villes running around." I ran my nails up and down his arm. "I know my angel. I want it too. I know you're really anxious and depressed. Laura and Jyrki see it. So does your father. Im just worried to move too fast. WE still have stalker on the loose. If you were pregnant and something happened, it would kill me."I sighed. "I know."I spent the next few weeks focusing on my degree. I went through the motions of getting up in the morning, dressing and rode the lightrail downtown to school. Nine hour days were not an uncommon practice. I actually woke up in the library a ten in the evening, face pressed to my textbooks. Whispered gossip followed me everywhere, some curious, envious, mean. I just rolled my eyes. I had my friends. I didn't feel like a stranger or rockstar around them. I don't mean to sound liked I'm bemoaning my life. History enraptured me. I was a kid in a candystore every time I learned something new. Laura would make fun of me when I'd come home, my backpack crammed full of textbooks and printouts. Laura had come down with flu-like symptoms and wouldnt venture far from home, which should have been a huge smack in the forehead but my friend is quite stubborn. Apparently she had the "flu" that included bizarre food cravings that had me driving to the store at three in the morning. I couldnt wait for the tour to wrap up in London. It was Jyrkis turn to be the healer. That was a few weeks away though. It was on a sunny Friday afternoon that I headed home and handed Laura a plastic shopping bag full of the usual- candy, soda and the most technologically advanced object you will ever pee on…

The time finally came for us to return back to the land of chaos. Such is the life of the nomadic rockstar, I was learning quickly. Ville and I were actually going to be in the process of moving into a place of our own in Helsinki, which made me happy since I was going to actually have a home… and I was pretty sure that I was going to get to learn how to play the cello I got from some certain friends of ours for my birthday months back. Rule number god-only-knows-which-one? Don't mention that you're interested in doing something around certain groups of Finns, or you'll have a gigantic package awaiting you soon enough. I'd made Paavo keep it at his place since, due to the fact we'd been jet-setting. We were actually in the process of walking down a town street towards our new abode when we were greeted by the boys. I of course wasn't paying any attention and was busy texting on my phone, which lead me to slam straight into Perttu's chest. I dropped my phone onto the sidewalk as his gloved hands moved to keep me from falling over.

"Well hello lady." He smiled at me as I snapped into reality, quite embarrassed to be caught out in space, yet again. Paavo reached out from behind to teasingly pull on a lock of my hair. "You and Ville having a competition to see who can grow their hair out faster?" I just stuck my tongue out at him, giggling a little. "C'mon, you know me better than that one darling. We all know I could beat Ville at whatever I put my mind to. It's easier to go incognito this way. Like the color?"

He smiled back at me. "Oh yes, purple sets such a high fashion bar."

"Well… the only reason it's purple is because someone…"And at this point I poked Ville in the ribs lightly, "bought the wrong red from the store. Turned it pink. The black I used over it picked up that and the blue tones… hence the purple tone in the sunlight. I'm totally revolutionizing 'Goth'." Both he and Eicca laughed at this one.

"Good to have you home, little brat."

The guys joined us on the rest of the walk to our new home. It wasn't anything most people would expect a rockstar to purchase, but to us it was perfect. Plenty of room for all the people who would most likely be over constantly, separate rooms for Ville's music and my art, and a master bedroom to die for. Bam had already sent over a stripper pole as a housewarming gift, and even though I knew he'd done it to try and embarrass me, I'd sent him a handwritten note gushing over the new addition, and probably a few too many details about how I'd planned on using it. Don't blame me, blame the copious amount of alcohol I was on when composing the letter. I had a surprise for Ville the next time we got the chance to be alone anyways, so it all would work out in the end.

Most of the furniture was already set up so it wasn't that hard to have company over, which was nice all things considered. Between Ville's parents and my own, really all we had to do was unpack personal belongings. Quite the advantage when we got inside and I wanted to change clothes from the long plane trip. I left Ville and the guys in the living room, where as soon as I walked down the hallway I could hear them starting to talk shop again. Not like I was going to be missed, I chucked to myself under my breath as I stripped off my shirt and jeans, opting for a shower to wake my arse up. I changed into a white cotton dress and black leggings, turning the stereo on while I dried my hair. S.E.X by Nickelback started playing off my IPod, which made me smile in passing while straightening the thick mass of my hair… something that always took forever to accomplish. By the end of the song, I heard somebody clear their throat at the doorway to the bathroom. I flicked my gaze up to the mirror to see who it was, nearly dropping the straightening iron in the process. Of course it was my lovely fiancée, smiling at me and my clumsiness. Wicked Game clicked on the stereo, and this caused him to smile even more.

"Well if this is what you've been listening to lately, certainly explains that wicked smirk you get every once and a while."

I laughed as he stalked towards me slowly. "The guys all left a few minutes ago. They told me to say goodbye, and Paavo said he'd be willing to start teaching you whenever. In the meantime though…" He reached me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. "Have I told you that I love you yet today?" His lips inched closer and closer to my ear, and I was quickly becoming more and more turned on seeing this occur in the reflection of the mirror. My knees almost gave out underneath me as his hot breath, then warm lips touched the outer shell of my ear, electric jolts of pleasure radiating from that spot straight to my core. I took a deep breath in… well at least as much of a deep breath as I could possibly manage, trying to regain some semblance of normalcy.

"Behave yourself, Mr. Valo." He just laughed at that.

"Or what darling? What punishment could you possibly have in order for me?" He knew how to goad me into reacting.

I pushed away from his grasp, turning so I could grab him loosely by the shirt front. I switched our positions so he was leaning up against the countertop, and used my freehand to reach up into his curly hair, pulling his head down to my level.

A few hours later, I was up in the tree in the front yard. All the cars whizzing by the front street were mildly entertaining at twilight. This position was where Ville found me an hour later, the proverbial monkey in the middle.

"Kai, you're not a teenager anymore. Fall out of that tree, and it's going to hurt." I stuck my tongue out at him and swung down. He opened the front door and followed me in. I tagged along when he went into the kitchen and accepted the drink from his hand when he attempted to toss it at me.

"How's Laura holding up?"

"She's doing okay, Queasy, but that's nothing unusual for what she's going through."

"Oh"

Another headache made it's presence known.

"I'm going to go lay down for a little while."

My dream was of the first time I saw Ville in person. Other than the towel incident, I mean. It was at a concert at the Bluebird. He was wearing leather pants and a random rock shirt, his hair cut short. A friend had dragged me to the show, and even though I resisted at first, I was intrigued. They played through all their normal hits, which were good enough, but my heart nearly stopped and gooseflesh popped up all over my body the minute the first couple bars of Wicked Game started playing. It's been my favorite song since. I honestly have ninety different versions of the song on my Ipod. Ville looked straight into my eyes for the first time that night. He leaned over, and sang the words, "No I wanna fall in love… with you." I was certainly flattered, but didn't think about it any deeper than that. We just had a nice evening out, staring at attractive men. His story now takes over from there.

When I awoke, I quickly shoved Ville out of the house to go with Linde and Midge, and ran to the store for cleaning materials. I spent all day cleaning, changing sheets, airing out the smell of stale cigarettes. I was finishing up cleaning the bathroom when the boys came home.

"Wow Kai, nesting much?"

"Nope. That's Laura's job. I just refuse to live in filth."

I was just glad they weren't stone-drunk. That scares me, to be honest. "I'm just happy to be home."

"Well, Bam's hired some security. You're gonna have a bodyguard for a while." Mental eye-roll.

"Lemme guess. He's moving in here?"

"Good thing we have that spare bedroom."

"Ville, are you serious?" I was worrying the corner of a blanket I'd been working on the plane ride home. He held my hands to try to calm me.

"Sweetheart, it's only for a little while. I just want to make sure you're safe. Now Bob's…"

"Wait, his names the same as my dogs?"

"Honey, he'll protect you."

I sighed.

Bob wasn't just big- he was huge. He had to duck to get in the door. A very large black man. I just stood there and gaped for a moment. Ville cleared his throat, bringing me back down to reality.

"Um… hello."

The big guy smiled. "Hello Kaieyn. Pleasure." He had a bit of a Southern lilt to his voice, and within a half an hour, I was comfortable around him. We'd all sat down around the kitchen table to eat a late dinner. Bob was regaling us with tales of prior bodyguard engagements, while little bob sat at his feet begging for table scraps. I laughed at seeing Bob sneak food to him. We laid low for the rest of the evening and I showed Bob to his room when it was time to crash. Ville was already getting ready for bed by the time I'd gotten back to our bedroom. I jumped up into bed with him, not bothering to change out of my clothes.

"Is life ever going to be normal?"

He just sighed and kissed my head. "I doubt it. But would you want it any other way, sans the stalker thing?"

I thought about it for a moment.

"To be completely honest, no I don't. My lifes never been so fulfilling. Plus, we get to make Danny an uncle someday."

Ville laughed.

Of course that next night though, I was a complete wreck. Couldn't stop crying for some reason. My heart hurt because I knew something that Ville didn't. I'd locked myself in the bedroom with a fifth of vodka and a quart of lemonade, trying my damnedest to be able to forget for just a little while. I didn't want the thoughts in my head. I didn't want him to leave me. But I'd failed him yet again. I wanted to be held so badly I could feel it in my bones. I ached so much. I was actually in the midst of going at myself again with the razor when Ville came home from the show they'd played for the first time in a while. I'd made another deep cut when the door opened, and was laying back in bed, curled on my side staring at the fish tank when the blood started flowing down my arm. I heard the audible gasp and his bag drop to the floor, then the weight creaking on the bed as he leaned down on the floor next to me. I lifted my head a little bit to be able to see his face. I smiled into those green eyes I loved so much, and reached a hand out shakily to touch him. He turned his face into my palm, tears soaking his cheeks and my palm, reflected in the light from the aquarium.

"Why?" he managed to choke out after a few minutes.

"The baby…" I murmured almost inaudibly back, not wanting lies between us. A puzzled look entered his eyes.

"You aren't pregnant, you can't be…" His gaze flickered to the sheet of paper laying next to me on the bed, detailing all the facts. Yes I had been pregnant, but due to medical complications, my body rejected the pregnancy, resulting in a "spontaneous abortion".

"I only found out a week ago. I didn't want to tell you till we had more time, I didn't know I wasn't going to be healthy enough to carry…" I was starting to get dizzy. The room was getting dark, and I couldn't fight it any more. I submitted.

"I just had an interesting thought. A good way to gauge if someone you lose in some way or another could ever possibly come back to you and loved you back ever would be to gauge if they would come to your funeral. Or at least donate blood if you needed it. Scary thing? There's people out there I still love but don't think they'd do either. And that's truly scary." I rolled over onto my back and stretched out my arms, running my nails down my skin. Ville was propped on his side looking over at me from sleepy eyes. Life was taking its toll on us, him with the music and touring on top of the danger to us, the upcoming nuptials, and my counseling. I wasn't waking up in the middle of the night completely losing it but I still couldn't be the auntie to be to Laura that I wanted to be. I knew the distance was starting to hurt her, but the wounds in my and Ville's hearts were still too raw. None of our friends knew about our loss yet. Even at the moment his hand was splayed across my abdomen as if searching in vain for something that wasn't there. I moved my arm to cup his face in my hand, a tear escaping the corner of my eye at seeing his forlorn expression. I moved closer to his body quickly so I was giving him a full body hug. He chuckled softly as I tried literally to get inside of him, wanting to do anything to make him happy again. An idea struck me like lightning.

"Let's get married." Of course this made him look at me rather strangely. "Kai, we're doing that in three months already love." I cut him off by getting out of bed swiftly. I didn't even bother with pants as I began hunting for something I'd been saving. With a high-volume 'yes!' and nearly falling off a stepladder, I bounded back to the bed and handed Ville a little blue velvet box. I smiled looking at his face as he examined the simple blue-black and platinum band with a single small diamond set in it.

"Do you like it? I had it made in Spain. I was going to save it till the big wedding but…" He leaned over and kissed me.

"It's perfect. Now, can we start being Mr. and Mrs. Valo even if it's just the two of us who know?"


End file.
